Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problems? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
1. I always seem to find myself in the category of girls who are only worth hooking up with but not to date. I try not to come off as too easy and I don’t have sex on the first date/hook-up with a guy. How do I make guys see me as someone worthy to date and not just for my body? āHooked at Howard
As fine as your female form may be, some guys tend to not be interested in the long haul. Need an example? Americaās former sweetheart, Jessica Simpson. Girlfriend is (forgive me) the laughing stock of the country. Sure, sheās hot (or used to be) but desperation isnāt attractive no matter the shape it takes. To keep from looking like your run-of-the-mill floozy looking to get down, try to hang out with guys youāre interested in while in bigger groups. Donāt make it so cookie-cutter. Dates donāt have to be just the two of you. Group outings are a great way to see if there is chemistry between you and whomever youāre interested in. Take advantage of any mutual friends you may have and get to know him while you have some buffers surrounding the both of you, thus preventing your guy from macking too heavily on you too soon. Making yourself immediately available in a one-on-one context may lend itself to a misconception you wonāt appreciate.
2. I’m from a small town in the Midwest and now I go to NYU. Even though there are tons of people here, it is very isolating! It is very hard to meet people, especially boys. I’m in a sorority and meet other guys at mixers and stuff, but it seems as if all guys are players here. I’ve tried meeting people outside of NYU at bars and clubs, but those guys donāt really want to “talk.” Do you have any suggestions for places to meet guys in my age group who would be interested in more than just a hook-up? āA lot to say in the City
As a fellow fish-out-of-water, I can relate to you on the isolation factor. I too came from a small town when I moved to Boston. Being in a sorority is a great idea, thereās that immediate form of āsisterhoodā and all that jazz. If most of the guys within your Greek circle are āplayersā then look around campus for different forums to meet your fellow coeds. Take a tip from Anna Faris in her Oscar-worthy epic, The House Bunny, and find your very own Colin Hanks while volunteering at a local retirement homeā¦ Or something like that. Thereās a ton of clubs (think Student Government) and groups where you can meet different guys who share similar interests. If a relationship is what you want, rather than the sexual satisfaction of a no-strings-attached roll in the hay, you would be wise to avoid bars and clubs. Those tend to be filled with 20-something businessmen looking to get down and dirty with innocent college sorority girls like your corn-fed self.
3. Hey Joey, I’ve always heard that guys like a girl to look put-together, but not wear too much makeup. How much makeup is too much? What does ‘put together’ mean? -Confused at Carnegie Mellon
Sure, guys like their girls to look good. No one (and Iām sure itās a two-way street) wants to feel that theyāre out in public with a slob. Try to remember that unless youāve seen the best and worst of someoneās appearance, you should try and keep that veil of secrecy up for as long as possible. Hold that sucker up until it tears. Donāt let prospective suitors see you in your favorite sweats and ratty t-shirt until you feel super comfortable around one another. As far as makeup goes, Iām a total novice. To put it plainly, if thereās any chance at all that your new suitor may have to wash his shirt after hooking up with you (to rid himself of any residual cosmetics), youāre probably wearing too much. Weāre young! Thereās no need to look like your great-Aunt Mary while still in your twenties. Take a look at one, Taylor Momsen. The chickās 17, but cakes on so much makeup that she looks closer to the ripe old age of thirty. Thatās the beauty of youth; we can roll out of bed and look pretty damn decent. Leave the caked-on foundation for your Grandma and stick to some simple cosmetic enhancements that will be hard to notice right away. Isnāt that the point of makeup: to secretly enhance, rather than mask?
4. I like this boy; however, he is still hooking up with his ex. They are now more like āfriends with benefits.ā He and I always flirt. How do I get him to notice me and forget about his ex? -Lost in London
Itās funny that you ask this, āLost in London,ā as a friend recently went through this same sort of situation. The whole being friends with an ex thing is f-ing hard. When youāve known someone that well for any period of time, itās hard to cut the strings that bind the two of you together. In case I lost you there, Iām referring to the dynamics between this guy and his ex. If this guy is still hooking up with his ex then heās clearly not over her. Relationships require two people to put each other first and, if this dudeās still seeing her in any way but as friends, then heās not ready to put you first. Furthermore, you donāt want to be painted as āthe other girlā by this chick and her friends. That whole scenario is never worth the risk. Per usual, I think I was the only one to see it (WHY?!), but My Super Ex-Girlfriend is quite the accurate depiction of the crazy ex that can oft accompany these types of situations. Keep from getting really involved until heās ready to put the ex on the backburner to develop things with you. You need to be number one to your guy, and if heās still seeing her, as more than a friend, then that wonāt be possible.
5. There’s a guy who’s really flirty with all girls and I can’t tell if Iām any more special to him compared to any other girl. How do I know? āCanāt tell in Cambridge
Some guys are naturally charismatic. These are the guys that can flirt and charm themselves out of any scenario. I like to call them āthose lucky Bastards.ā A lot of times, this charisma lends itself to flirtation. I wonder, dear Reader, what makes you think youāre more special than anyone else? Has he gone all Patrick Bateman on you and tried to charm the socks off of you and your friends? Has he done anything in particular to warrant this feeling? Keep an eye out for particular actions he may show. Does he single you out at parties? Does he invite you out on the weekend? Does he make sure you always have a drink in hand at said festivities? Charisma only goes so far with guys like these. If heās really into you heāll go out of his way to single you out, even if there are others around. Donāt be afraid to flirt back. If you want him, and you think thereās a chance the feeling may be mutual, go for it.