Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problems? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
1. I always seem to find myself in the category of girls who are only worth hooking up with but not to date. I try not to come off as too easy and I don’t have sex on the first date/hook-up with a guy. How do I make guys see me as someone worthy to date and not just for my body? –Hooked at Howard
As fine as your female form may be, some guys tend to not be interested in the long haul. Need an example? America’s former sweetheart, Jessica Simpson. Girlfriend is (forgive me) the laughing stock of the country. Sure, she’s hot (or used to be) but desperation isn’t attractive no matter the shape it takes. To keep from looking like your run-of-the-mill floozy looking to get down, try to hang out with guys you’re interested in while in bigger groups. Don’t make it so cookie-cutter. Dates don’t have to be just the two of you. Group outings are a great way to see if there is chemistry between you and whomever you’re interested in. Take advantage of any mutual friends you may have and get to know him while you have some buffers surrounding the both of you, thus preventing your guy from macking too heavily on you too soon. Making yourself immediately available in a one-on-one context may lend itself to a misconception you won’t appreciate.
2. I’m from a small town in the Midwest and now I go to NYU. Even though there are tons of people here, it is very isolating! It is very hard to meet people, especially boys. I’m in a sorority and meet other guys at mixers and stuff, but it seems as if all guys are players here. I’ve tried meeting people outside of NYU at bars and clubs, but those guys don’t really want to “talk.” Do you have any suggestions for places to meet guys in my age group who would be interested in more than just a hook-up? –A lot to say in the City
As a fellow fish-out-of-water, I can relate to you on the isolation factor. I too came from a small town when I moved to Boston. Being in a sorority is a great idea, there’s that immediate form of “sisterhood” and all that jazz. If most of the guys within your Greek circle are “players” then look around campus for different forums to meet your fellow coeds. Take a tip from Anna Faris in her Oscar-worthy epic, The House Bunny, and find your very own Colin Hanks while volunteering at a local retirement home… Or something like that. There’s a ton of clubs (think Student Government) and groups where you can meet different guys who share similar interests. If a relationship is what you want, rather than the sexual satisfaction of a no-strings-attached roll in the hay, you would be wise to avoid bars and clubs. Those tend to be filled with 20-something businessmen looking to get down and dirty with innocent college sorority girls like your corn-fed self.
3. Hey Joey, I’ve always heard that guys like a girl to look put-together, but not wear too much makeup. How much makeup is too much? What does ‘put together’ mean? -Confused at Carnegie Mellon
Sure, guys like their girls to look good. No one (and I’m sure it’s a two-way street) wants to feel that they’re out in public with a slob. Try to remember that unless you’ve seen the best and worst of someone’s appearance, you should try and keep that veil of secrecy up for as long as possible. Hold that sucker up until it tears. Don’t let prospective suitors see you in your favorite sweats and ratty t-shirt until you feel super comfortable around one another. As far as makeup goes, I’m a total novice. To put it plainly, if there’s any chance at all that your new suitor may have to wash his shirt after hooking up with you (to rid himself of any residual cosmetics), you’re probably wearing too much. We’re young! There’s no need to look like your great-Aunt Mary while still in your twenties. Take a look at one, Taylor Momsen. The chick’s 17, but cakes on so much makeup that she looks closer to the ripe old age of thirty. That’s the beauty of youth; we can roll out of bed and look pretty damn decent. Leave the caked-on foundation for your Grandma and stick to some simple cosmetic enhancements that will be hard to notice right away. Isn’t that the point of makeup: to secretly enhance, rather than mask?
4. I like this boy; however, he is still hooking up with his ex. They are now more like “friends with benefits.” He and I always flirt. How do I get him to notice me and forget about his ex? -Lost in London
It’s funny that you ask this, ‘Lost in London,’ as a friend recently went through this same sort of situation. The whole being friends with an ex thing is f-ing hard. When you’ve known someone that well for any period of time, it’s hard to cut the strings that bind the two of you together. In case I lost you there, I’m referring to the dynamics between this guy and his ex. If this guy is still hooking up with his ex then he’s clearly not over her. Relationships require two people to put each other first and, if this dude’s still seeing her in any way but as friends, then he’s not ready to put you first. Furthermore, you don’t want to be painted as “the other girl” by this chick and her friends. That whole scenario is never worth the risk. Per usual, I think I was the only one to see it (WHY?!), but My Super Ex-Girlfriend is quite the accurate depiction of the crazy ex that can oft accompany these types of situations. Keep from getting really involved until he’s ready to put the ex on the backburner to develop things with you. You need to be number one to your guy, and if he’s still seeing her, as more than a friend, then that won’t be possible.
5. There’s a guy who’s really flirty with all girls and I can’t tell if I’m any more special to him compared to any other girl. How do I know? –Can’t tell in Cambridge
Some guys are naturally charismatic. These are the guys that can flirt and charm themselves out of any scenario. I like to call them “those lucky Bastards.” A lot of times, this charisma lends itself to flirtation. I wonder, dear Reader, what makes you think you’re more special than anyone else? Has he gone all Patrick Bateman on you and tried to charm the socks off of you and your friends? Has he done anything in particular to warrant this feeling? Keep an eye out for particular actions he may show. Does he single you out at parties? Does he invite you out on the weekend? Does he make sure you always have a drink in hand at said festivities? Charisma only goes so far with guys like these. If he’s really into you he’ll go out of his way to single you out, even if there are others around. Don’t be afraid to flirt back. If you want him, and you think there’s a chance the feeling may be mutual, go for it.