Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problems? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
I have always been the girl who gets pursued, and never had to chase or work hard for any guy I want. Recently I met this guy, and he is perfect, except for the fact that he has a girlfriend. I have never liked a guy instantaneously like I did with him. Do I pursue, or leave him alone? Or can I get him to discretely leave her for me, and in a respectable way? – Pursued not Pursuing at Purdue
You’re a tad choosy with the details you give me, friend. From reading this I can only deduce that you are asking if it’s permissible to help break up a couple. And to answer succinctly, no it is not. It’s selfish, immature and will only lead to heartbreak for everyone involved. If you were to break them up, he will only resent you in the future and you’ll become known as a mega-b*tch around campus for causing it. If you really like this guy as much as you say you do, leave him alone until his relationship runs its course. To purposely ruin it would make you the one to hate, and makes any future you could have with this guy nearly impossible. Befriend him if you would like, but don’t allow yourself to be “the other woman.” If Anne Boleyn taught us anything, it’s that those women rarely finish first. Or with their heads still attached to their necks. But that’s a tad medieval for my taste.
I’m in my first year of college, and I’m almost through my first semester. I’ve met a lot of new people here, but not many guys. Now that we’re out of welcome week, I feel like I’m not meeting new people. How do I meet more guys? – Mystified at Michigan
To be totally honest, most of the people you meet freshman year are not the same people posing in photos with you come graduation. Nonetheless, in order to prevent utter mental breakdown, I can’t stress enough how important it is to find people who will force you outside of your comfort zone. Whichever people you happen to have met by now, continue to hang out with them. They’ll be the ones with whom you can venture out to parties where you know no one. Talk to people in your classes and see what people are up to on the weekends. All freshmen are in the same boat and are more than open to making friends with you; it just has to be in the right situation. Focus on finding good friends first, the man-beasts will follow after. If you find yourself in truly dire straits, why don’t you find an extracurricular to join? My freshman year I joined the lifestyle magazine on campus and met a whole bunch of upperclassmen. Things like that—clubs, organizations, etc.—are a great way to meet people outside of the classroom.
I was randomly assigned to work on a group project with this guy, and we hit it off. I presented our project to our class, and afterwards, he asked me over Facebook if he could take me out to coffee as a thank you. I responded that I was completely up for coffee, but then he never messaged me back. What’s going on here? Why would he reach out if he weren’t going to respond? – Confused at Colorado
I’m going to assume he forgot about your response. No guy goes to that length to ask someone out without intent to follow through. He could be busy with finals, or have other things on his mind. If you haven’t sent him a follow-up message, do so now. Ask him if he is still interested in that coffee and give him a time that you’re available. If he doesn’t respond… then I’m totally bewildered as to why he would ask you out in the first place.
Can a guy be interested in me if he calls me ‘dude’ all the time and asks me to hang out with his guy friends? – Not a Bro at Brown
I’m going to say no. It’s possible, but I can literally recall no instance in which a man-beast calls the object of his affection, “dude.” Again, it may be possible. But in my experience it is probably not an instance of romantic affection, but rather of a sisterly affection. You’re the Hermione to his Harry. The Katniss to his Finnick. The Leslie to his Tom. Get it? Good. Now, conversely, if you’re interested in this dude as more than a… dude… then try and make him see you as a chick. Without succumbing too much to patriarchal necessity, maybe bring along some girl friends next time you all hang out? Add a little makeup? Be a bit flirty with him—tease him a bit, initiate physical contact, etc.