Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problems? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
I’ve never been one to “fall” for the guy who flirts with almost every girl, but I realized that I’m starting to develop feelings for a guy like that. He’s really sweet and I know he’s a great guy, but I’m not sure why he leads girls on if he has these great qualities. He definitely flirts back, but I’m not sure how to tell what is real and what isn’t. How can I stand out? Should I just bite the bullet and ask him to coffee or lunch? — First Time Falling at Fordham
There a fine line between a flirt and player, my dear friend. From the wording of your question—namely, that he flirts but doesn’t hook up—I would think it safe to assume that your man-beast is a flirt. Which is innocent enough, but definitely something to watch out for. Players don’t really care if they hurt anyone’s feelings, while a flirt isn’t focused on feelings at all. He is probably entirely unaware that your attentions have honed in on him. I think that you’re right – bite the bullet and ask him out. Coffee and a walk around town is a nice, easy way to open up that romantic trajectory.
My guy said “I love you” and I said it back, even though I know I don’t love him. I REALLY like him, but I don’t love him. Now I fear I can’t go back. What should I do? — Lost in Like, Not Love at LSU
Why in the world would you say it back if you didn’t mean it? Girlfriend, have you learned nothing from every single teenage soap opera to ever air on television? Lying about your feelings can be devastating to any relationship, ask Ryan Atwood! But, moving past the dire consequences of your actions, the first thing to ask yourself is whether or not you could grow to love him in time. Not that you should force yourself or anything; it’s not like fibbing about your feelings means you’ve hitched yourself to this dude for life. But if the answer is “yes,” then your little lie turns a few shades whiter. On the other hand, if you don’t think love is in the cards for you two, then it’s time to have a conversation. You need to address whether or not there is a future for you two, especially if you care about this man-beast’s feelings. At which point, it becomes your job to proceed without irrevocably breaking this man’s heart… a la any She-Demon themed story in history.
A guy rejected me, but still told me I’m his “favorite person in the world” and he “wishes he could date me.” Um. You could. That’s why I asked you to! Why doesn’t he just say, “I’m not into you. Bye.” Does this mean there is hope? — Confused in Colgate
That is stupid. That guy is stupid. Does he think you have a brain the size of an acorn? In laymen’s terms, this man-beast is probably saying that he sees you as a friend, with little to no romantic future. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s definitely not something to base your hopes on. My advice? Find a guy who isn’t under the impression that girls find it impossible to read between the lines.
I have a crush on one of my best guy friends. I was picking up signs that he felt the same way. We would do romantic “date-like things” like going ice-skating or he’d pay for my dinner. When I told him I’d like to take our relationship to the next level, he said he doesn’t like me in that way. I told him I was picking up vibes that he liked me, but he denied it. How can I tell when a guy is just being nice and when he’s flirting? — Searching for Signs at Syracuse
Just because a guy pays for your dinner doesn’t mean he’s dying to jump your bones. I know that in my experience, I pay for female friends’ meals because my mom raised me to be a gentleman. If a guy is into you, he won’t only pay for your dinner, he’ll make it a point to make it a romantic dinner. It won’t be a burger and fries. It’ll be a candle-lit home-cooked meal or a three-course extravaganza at that fancy French bistro downtown. Right? It’s difficult to pinpoint the difference between being a gentleman and being a future romantic prospect, but if you look close enough, you can tell when a guy is going the extra mile and when he’s just being a nice guy.