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I was hooking up with a guy at a party and went back to his apartment. We made out for a while and he asked if I wanted to have sex, but I said no, since I hardly knew him. It was late, so I still spent the night, but we just made out, fully clothed. The next day, there were rumors all over campus that we had slept together. The worst part is that he was confirming (possibly even starting) the rumors. Do I confront him? – Bruised Reputation at BU
Bruised Reputation,
Well, I bet you’re happy you didn’t sleep with him at least! Seriously, it may seem like cold comfort now, but you’ve clearly got a good head on your shoulders to have sensed sex with this guy would be a bad idea. Your friends should know this about you, and they are the ones that really matter when it comes to what happened. You need to consider whether you really care about what other people, people who really don’t know you or care about you, have to say.
Gossip is brutal. It’s hard enough to have your private life being discussed in conversation like it’s a Kardashian divorce; things are doubly difficult when people are spewing lies about you and what type of person you are. At the same time, unfair as it is, you can’t control what’s being said. You should absolutely maintain the truth if people come to you about it, but I’m not sure there is much you can do to actively combat this. Luckily, gossip disappears quickly. Probably nobody remembers the incident by this time, and I doubt many people on a secular college campus in 2012 seriously care. They just enjoy talking about things that aren’t their business. It’s insensitive and it hurts you, but the discomfort that comes from these lies is fleeting.
Gossip also has vague sources, and, regardless of hearsay, you don’t know for sure what this guy has been saying. I have been in this situation before, with girls staying over with nothing happening. When people would ask me about it, I would just say it wasn’t their business. Guess what people said I said? Yes, he may be bragging about something that never happened, but you can’t be sure. To confront him about these rumors would only drag out the situation and give people more to talk about. If he turns out to be a real creep who is saying things for weeks to come, then talk to him. But right now, just quietly refute the rumors and wait for this to pass. It’s frustrating, but confrontation will only make things worse.