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I have recently started hooking up with a guy and we have gone out to dinner multiple times, but he has never offered to pay, yet has been eager to get dinner with me. Should I consider these dinners dates? What constitutes a date? – Baffled at BU
Baffled,
I’m not an uptight chivalry type. I don’t think that the guy should pay for everything, especially if the guy and girl have dated for some time. But this guy sounds pretty tacky. I don’t care if you’re just hooking up. When you are going out somewhere alone with a guy who has expressed a sexual or romantic interest in you, it’s a date. These dinners are what are called bad dates. If you are spending non-sexual, date-ish time together, the guy should pay. Even if you both don’t want anything serious and the idea of a guy paying seems too relationship-y for you, the guy should at least offer. For at least the first few times he goes out with you, paying is the gentlemanly thing for him to do. It’s a sign of a guy’s reliability and confidence.
A big problem for college guys is that we’re poor. Sorry, but we can’t help it right now. Give us a couple of years. This guy may just not have the money to pay for nice restaurants. What he should be doing then is thinking of free or inexpensive things for you to do together. Sadly, he’s not. My hunch from his eagerness to go out is that he is interested in more than just sex, but is afraid of how “official” paying for a date looks. In this scenario, he should still offer to pay and let you waive him off if that’s not what you’re interested in. He should be attempting to be gentlemanly while letting you make the call.
What you do basically depends on what you’re looking for with this guy. If you’re enjoying hooking up with him (and just that) don’t let this bother you. If you are potentially interested in “something more,” I don’t think there’s much promise here and you should start dating other guys. Save your dinners for a guy who is going to be more thoughtful than to just expect you to spend your own money to spend time with him.