Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
I’ve been seeing this guy, and I have picked up on some hints that he just isn’t quite over his ex. Or he may just be confused about how much time he needs to move on. Either way, I’m starting to feel like a rebound girl and it’s just not fair to me to be unsure what he wants. Should I stick around, or move on? — Strung Along at Syracuse
Strung Along,
Few things bother me more than rebound paranoia. Rebounding almost always means he’s only interested in hooking up, or he talks about his past relationship frequently. What makes you think you’re a rebound? Does he mention his ex or are you just listening to gossip from third parties? If you two seem compatible, and things appear to be going well, then don’t examine it too closely. Beware of mind reading, or attempting to mind read, rather. This is really bothering you so you should ask him honestly what he wants out of your relationship.
Everyone enters into a new relationship with the scars of past ones. They fade a bit but they never fully heal. Fortunately, they also help form and shape who you are and how you perceive others. He might not have fully moved on, but if you care about each other why should it matter? If he behaves oddly, as in gets weepy at Bon Iver songs, then maybe he’s not ready for your relationship. If it’s more of a matter of him behaving oddly only when she’s around, then I want you to think back to your past relationships and how it felt for you when they ended. Try to get his honest perspective before you assume that you’re strung along.