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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. The last two years have been long-distance because of school for me and his career move. We recently decided to open up our relationship with set boundaries because we know how lonely not seeing each other for 6 months or more at a time can be. I don’t really like the sound of saying we’re in an “open relationship” because it leaves too many gray areas. How do I explain our situation to other guys when they ask if I have a boyfriend?— Taken But Not Taken At Tufts
Taken But Not Taken,
Firstly, I don’t think that saying “open relationship” is bad. I know guys would probably feel really uncomfortable if you choose to articulate exactly what your relationship currently looks like. They are interested in the cute and friendly version of yourself that is in front of them and would be scared off if you start talking about the nuances of your situation. They don’t want to know anything beyond if you are interested and available. A blanket statement such as “I’m in a long-term open relationship with a guy in another city” says just enough. If a girl told me that, it would not be hard to imagine the limited possibilities of any relationship with her.
It sounds as if this relationship has been quite a challenge. Although I’ve never been long-distance, I would personally think your decision is a wise one. However, I can tell you still need some time to adapt to this redefinition of your relationship. Are you sure you want this situation at all? You seem really uncomfortable with even the idea of meeting other guys. Maybe you should reevaluate whether this is really something you and your boyfriend both want. Do not feel like you have to see people just because committed relationships are rarer in a college environment. If you do feel like this is the right decision, take some time to adjust to the conceptof seeing other people before you actually do it. Also, don’t feel the need to see other people at all, even if your boyfriend is. Do whatever makes you comfortable, and from there you can create your own self-definition of your open relationship.
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