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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Joe: How to Avoid the Slutty Rep

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy.
 

 
What do guys actually think about how long a girl waits to have sex with you?  Do guys think you’re slutty if you have sex the first or second time?  Do they think you’re a prude if you don’t have sex after the third time?  If I feel ready to have sex with a guy the first or second time we’ve met, should I, or should I not?  Guys always claim they won’t think worse of you for it, but I feel like this is just a line they use since they obviously want to have sex.  Is the answer different depending on what kind of relationship you might have with him? 
- Slut-rep-phobic at SUNY Binghamton
 
As you correctly say, the answer to this question depends on context.  If you’ve been on three dates, he’ll be more than ready to make prolonged, passionate romance; whereas, if he’s only just laid eyes on you, he’ll want to do you immediately.  For guys, life is an 80-year gift from God in which to pack as much sex as possible.  So, if you’re comfortable with your sexuality and want to have sex A.S.A.Y.F.A.B. (“As soon as you find a bed”), you shouldn’t meet much resistance on his end. 
 
However, there is always the danger that you could be seen as a slut.  It is a very real danger that affects millions a year – like chicken pocks for trashy girls.  But if you follow my simple advice – and, most importantly, your heart, your sexy, sexy heart – then you won’t go wrong.
 
The First Date Finagle
 
Only have sex on a first date if you’ve known the guy for a while, i.e., you’ve been friends for a long time, or coworkers, or cousins very distantly removed.  You were unfortunately dead-on in your question: when a guy says “I wouldn’t think less of you for having sex on a first date,” he is lying through his pee-hole.  Fact is, if you have sex with a guy the first time you meet him, he will forever see you as an automatic put-er-outer.  Such a reputation may be attractive in certain, very bro-y, very Keystone Lite-guzzling circles of dudes.  But, in the real world, it is not the rep you want.  Unless you already know him well, keep the tiger in the cage for now. 
 

The Second Date Fornicate

 
If this date is the second time you’ve met the guy, but you have great chemistry and have already bought a house together, go for it.  

But if you don’t foresee a future with him and are on another date because a) you have nothing else to do, b) you are being nice, or c) he’s the school nerd, and you were triple-dog-dared, you should probably hold off. 
 
There is some grey area, though.  What if you’re not sure you’re head-over-heels with him, but there’s nothing frighteningly wrong with him, either?  In this day and age, women can and very much should have sex just to have sex.  We know you like it, too.  So, if he’s a stand-up guy, and you kids need to get your humpty-dumpties out, go right ahead.  Keep in mind: he will probably expect a third date, especially if the sex is good.  But, if it was good, that shouldn’t be a problem.  This kind of hook-up is often the start of great dating relationships – or great booty-calls, if that’s your forte.
 
Third Date, Let’s Mate
 
Third Time’s the Charm, Lucky Number 3, Three Parts of the Trinity – all of these sayings come from the fact that, after date three, anything is fair game.  Let’s be real.  You’re not going on three dates with a guy you aren’t at least interested in, unless it’s an arranged marriage, in which case you should stop reading and go have sex with as many different people as you can while you can.  After three dates, you’ve gotten comfortable with each other, established that you will probably be seeing a lot of each other, and, not insignificantly, he’s dropped around $300 on you.
 
I’m not saying you need to have sex after three dates, just that you can.  No guy will think any less of you, and by that time his desire-meter will be topping the charts.  No gentleman will force you to have sex, just be aware that he will be bursting to (pun intended).
 
 

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