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Real Live College Guy Andy: What Do I Do On Valentine’s Day When We’re Not Official?

Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.

I started seeing this guy when we got back from winter break and we’ve been hooking up and going on casual dates, but we haven’t had a DTR talk yet to discuss what we are. It seems like are official but we haven’t officially had a talk, and I have no idea if he considers me his girlfriend or not. How should I approach V-Day? Should I get him something? If so, what’s an appropriate gift to get him since he’s not really my boyfriend yet? And should I bring up doing something on V-Day, or wait for him to, or what? – Ambiguous at St. Ambrose


We’ve all been in your situation where you have someone you feel exclusive with but have yet to officially DTR. In your specific case, the worst thing you can do is overreact and fret about it. So why fret? Either it goes poorly and you laugh about it down the line or it goes well and you end up with this guy long-term and look back at the awkward date fondly.

With that said, in your situation, the guy should have the cojones to bring up V-Day plans. Waiting for him to bring it up will allow you to tell where things stand.  If the holiday passes without him mentioning anything of it (and subsequently no date with you on that day), then he clearly doesn’t have the same emotional attachment to the relationship that you have. And if that ends up the case, then you can either move on or express your anger and hope he comes up with a brilliant apology. So don’t even mention in it, just wait for him to notice (or not notice).

Now, you might be thinking what would happen if you bring up Valentine’s Day plans with the guy. Personally, you don’t find out as much in that situation. If he agrees, he may do so just begrudgingly since you brought it up and he doesn’t want to upset you. Or if he says he’s busy, that will just leave you confused.

As for the gift-giving portion of your question, (if it wasn’t obvious from what I’ve said above) do not buy him anything. Even if he brings up plans, don’t get him anything. If he gets you something, act surprised and do something nice for him in return. I’m pretty confident that will be enough to reciprocate in his eyes. On the flip side, I imagine it would be pretty uncomfortable if you got something for him and he didn’t get you anything in return. If you have to question whether or not to get something, the safe choice is to simply not.

Valentine’s Day is the cause of more stress than it deserves. It can be an opportunity for a very romantic date but you shouldn’t let it preoccupy your mind. Maybe he has a surprise planned for you on that day and doesn’t want to talk about it just to tease you. Guys can get weird ideas like that sometimes. We’re certainly not perfect. Most of us aren’t as suave as Lucas Scott on One Tree Hill. And even Lucas had some relationship brain farts from time to time.

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Andrew Bensch

San Francisco

Andrew is a rising senior at San Francisco State University majoring in broadcast journalism. While he hopes to some day work in the sports media industry, becoming a professional columnist for a women's magazine is also on his radar. While in college Andrew has contributed sports columns to such sites like Foxsports.com, Insidehockey.com, and Bleacherreport.com. But don't be fooled, he isn't just your typical jock, after all he is willing to admit he actually loves chick flicks like "27 Dresses" "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". He also enjoys shows like "The OC", "One Tree Hill", "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" and "Teen Wolf" and wonders aloud why more college men don't open up about their love for these types of programs.