Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the “boys will be boys” conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice
Is it impossible to go from drunk hook-up to dating material? What if you had spent a lot of time together beforehand and he seems interested in being more than a hook-up? What if the hook-up happened two nights a row? It just seems wrong that a girl can still respect a guy after sex but a guy can’t respect a girl. – Newbie at Northeastern
As I have mentioned in previous RLCG columns yes, hook-ups can lead to something more. That being said, it’s not likely to happen for many different reasons. First and foremost, the typical college-aged guy hooks up with girls for the fun of it and isn’t looking for a relationship.
Clearly there are a lot of college guys following the “hit it and quit it” mantra.
Secondly, there are guys who hook up with a girl and think they want something more to develop. That was sort of where I was my freshman year. But it is difficult to build a meaningful connection when sex is such a driving force of young college life. I, for one, went to college with my v-card intact and had this very cheesy, unrealistic “American Pie”-esque idea of what the college scene would be like. Everywhere I looked it would be girls, girls, girls and more girls.
Simply put, it is extremely difficult, even for the most well intentioned college guys (particularly freshmen), to look at a girl whom they’ve hooked up with (before really getting to know her) and not focus primarily on getting more sex from her.
If our first impression of a girl is how amazing she was in bed, that sticks in the brain. It’s then hard to build up a relationship that isn’t primarily based on sex. Especially in the college atmosphere of crazy libidos, busy schedules, weird hours, and little money to go out on real dates, a hook-up can turn into a fling very quickly and not a real relationship. That’s essentially what happened to me and the girl whom I was “dating” for the majority of first semester my freshman year.
Put it this way, I’m sure you’ve heard your own friends talk about how long to wait before having sex with a guy, right? Usually you’ll hear girls say that it’s best to wait a little while (three or five dates) in order to get to know the guy first. Well, if you have sex the first night you meet, then that throws a total wrench into the idea of taking dating baby steps and slowly building a connection.
Just think of dating like construction, the typical formula is that you build the foundation first before working on the fun stuff, right?
So is it possible? Yes. But likely? Not necessarily.