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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

How NOT to Get Attached to Your Hook-Up Buddy

Love is in the air . . . or is it?  These days, all collegiettes™ want is to get a little lovin’ and call it a night.  So how do you not get attached to a guy you’re just hooking up with?  In a nutshell, JUST hook up with him.  Confused?  Read on for my step-by-step guide:

  • Put down the phone.  Girl, you may be tempted to text this guy midday because something reminded you of him, or you’re bored, or you feel like you need attention . . . but don’t.  Don’t start relying on this guy emotionally, and you never will!  Cell phones may be used late-night to text to meet up only.
  • Close out Facebook.  The same thing goes for creeping on his page every half hour.  Don’t even tempt yourself.  Once you start clicking through his 800-plus tagged photos, you are in too deep.  Enjoy the fact that you’re not official and don’t have to worry about what other girls he’s hanging out with.
  • Entertain new suitors.  Since you’re not in a relationship with this dude, there’s no reason you can’t be talking to other guys too!  Enjoy the smorgasbord-of-cute that is college (never again will you be living with this many guys your age) and shop around.  If the hottie in your Health Ethics class texts you to “study” don’t feel like you have to decline his polite invitation because of your hook-up buddy.
  • Recognize a case of “mention-itis”.  You know how you don’t mean to keep bringing up a guy, but somehow, everything you and your girlfriends talk about relates back to a story about him?  We’ve all been there.  However, constantly talking about the guy you’re just hooking up with builds him up too much in your mind.  Odds are, he’s not constantly talking about what you wore to the last home basketball game with his bros, so follow suit and find other conversation topics that don’t involve him.
  • Don’t end the night early.  If you’re out at night and your hook-up buddy is texting you to meet up, check the clock first before you go.  If it’s before last call (aka 2 am), don’t leave yet!  You want to give yourself the opportunity to fully enjoy the party.  Other guys will notice if you’re ditching out at midnight to go meet a guy, and after a while, they’ll stop trying to get you to stay.
  • Save the tender lovemaking for a boyfriend.  Julia Roberts the “Escort” in Pretty Woman went a little extreme: no kissing on the mouth??  But still, the idea is not to get attached.  Try not to spend hours looking into each other’s eyes post-coitus.
  • Skip dinner.  I mean, you should eat, but not with him.  Avoid dates at all costs—the minute you start talking about your mutual interests, you may find you actually like this guy for more than his, er, you know.  And who wants that?

 
Keep your options open!

Of course, these tips will only work if you actually do not want to get attached to your hook-up.  If you find yourself thinking he may be relationship material, you need to talk to him about it, sooner rather than later.  He can’t know you want to be more than just bed buddies if you don’t tell him!  But there is certainly no harm in staying un-attached.  The wise, wise Samantha Jones once said, “Who cares what you are, just enjoy it!”

Allie Jones is an English and American Studies double major at the College of William and Mary.  She's interned at W magazine and is currently the Senior News Editor at The Virginia Informer.  When she’s not chatting up colonial impersonators in Williamsburg, Allie drinks too much black coffee and thinks about going to the gym. She enjoys singing for her friends and planning parties for her chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma. Allie looks up to Liz Lemon, Carrie Bradshaw and Jon Stewart; 2 ½ of which, she realizes, are fictional characters. You can find out more about the high-brow television programs she watches over at her Twitter, @allierileyjones.