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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

How I Learned to Move On When They Don’t Text Back

By Quinn Chao

Getting into a new relationship is always difficult. You’re constantly worried you’ll love more than the other person. You don’t want to text first, but you find yourself doing it anyway. After a while, it starts to feel like you’re the only one putting effort in and you’re afraid of coming off as super annoying. Eventually, they stop answering and you’re left wondering what you did wrong. Here’s how to handle getting ghosted by someone you like, as someone who has been through it. 

Stop wondering what they’re doing.

It’s very hard in the age of social media to not be invested in this person’s life. You want to know what they’re up to and why they cut you off. That being said, I found it best to stop watching Snapchat stories of him with other girls. I stopped asking his friends what girls he was with and stopped looking at his tagged photos. I was done seeing the “fun” times he was having without me; I realized I won’t get any better by dwelling on the situation. I hit him with that unfollow on Snapchat and focused on me.

It’s okay to be upset.

For weeks I was hurting. Although it may have not been a full-on relationship, it was still someone I cared for who just abandoned me. I sulked and cried and let myself feel these emotions. It is important to not repress your feelings because then it’ll just build up inside you. Get a bowl of ice cream, watch sad movies and vent to your friends. Just make sure that you eventually get back to real life after all that self-care. 

It’ll take time.

If you don’t feel better after a couple days, it’s natural. No one gets over someone they care about within 72 hours. My friends thought I was being dramatic, but it took me three weeks to stop thinking about him––and I learned that’s okay! Everyone goes through different situations and it is fine to take the time to heal that you need to.

Don’t compare them to others.

Every time I met a new person, I would say they weren’t as great as he was, but that was completely untrue. I just was holding myself back instead of letting myself thrive. There were too many good people I let slip through my fingers because they weren’t “him.” In the end, I came to the conclusion that no one was going to be him, so either I end up lonely and upset or let myself learn to accept what I cannot change. No one is the same as anyone and you’re never going to come across the same person twice.

Don’t blame yourself.

Too often I’m left searching for what I did. However, I did nothing wrong. Putting in effort to have a conversation with someone is how a relationship should work, and if the person on the other side doesn’t agree, it’s not your fault! I could go back in time and figure out what went wrong and change it, but he still would leave. These things happen to teach us lessons. Trust me, you did nothing by being yourself and caring, and anyone you’re interested in should be able to see that and respect it.  

They don’t deserve you.

If we look at the other end of this situation, there is the person who never texted you back. They never gave you a reason or even an excuse, they just stopped talking to you. These people are the worst. The most someone could do before they decide to never speak to you again is to explain why. But, they don’t have the decency to just be nice––instead they leave you wondering for an explanation. You’re never obligated to settle for someone who can’t go out of their way to think about your feelings.

And you deserve better.

There are so many great (and better) people are out there for you. Don’t let this one person ruin all your faith in love. You are so much stronger because of this and now you are ready to face relationships with a fresh outlook. You got this!