During college, you’re bound to come across Him. No, not a higher power (well, maybe), but Him, the guy who never calls back, forgets Valentine’s Day, goes out to the club when you’re stuck in bed with mono, and yet has you head over heels for him. He’s charming, he’s cute, and at times he makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the room. But other times, well . . . he’s not so great. Any particular guy coming to mind? Check for similarities:
- You’ve been hooking up on and off with this guy for what seems like forever, but you haven’t ever been committed to each other for any serious length of time.
- When you talk about him with your girlfriends, there’s a certain tone they use when saying his name . . . “Oh, Him.”
- Even though you’ve hooked up with the other guys throughout the duration of your tortured romance with Him, you’re still holding out for Him to get his act together (whether you like to admit it or not).
- When you see him with another girl, Justin Bieber’s “That Should Be Me” fills your head and you start thinking that the Biebs really knows your pain.
If your behavior matches one or more of the above, grab the Ben & Jerry’s and some Kleenex, because girl, you’ve been Justin-Bobby’d. Empathizing with Justin Bieber?! Really? That’s not you. We’ve all watched (admit it) Audrina flounder around from guy to guy on “The Hills,” never really committing to one because she’s holding out for Justin-Bobby to commit to her. Did he ever? There’s the lesson.
In college, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of falling for a guy without making a real commitment to him. Everyone from Oprah to Katy Perry is talking about “hookup culture,” and sometimes casual dating, or as I like to call it, non-dating, seems like par for the course in college. You don’t want to be Clingy Girl, so you let it slide when he hooks up with other girls and then texts you that he misses you at 3 am. At least he’s texting you, right? It’s easy to convince yourself to put up with bad behavior because it seems like everyone else is in the same boat. But there ARE college guys out there who are looking for monogamous relationships, and you don’t have to settle. Surefire signs he’ll never commit? He:
- Makes plans with you when it’s convenient for him, sometimes going long stretches of time without contacting you when he’s “crazy-busy” or “has a lot of stuff going on,”
- Cops out of saying “I love you” by throwing lines your way like “You know you’re the one,” or “I’ll always have love for you,” or “We’ve got something no one else can understand,” and/or
- May call you his “girl,” but he deliberately shies away from the term “girlfriend.”
These are what Liz Lemon would call “deal-breakahs.”
Honey, it’s time to cut the cord, because he never will. A guy will continue to get what he can from you without giving much in return, but only if you let him. Here are some immediate steps to take to move on from him for good:
- Remove him from your “fall-back” list of potential dates for your next sorority function. You might have yourself convinced there’s “no one else” you can take, but take a look around! There are plenty of cute guys on your campus, and if you really don’t know ANY of them, have a girlfriend set you up.
- Pick a friend to text or call when you feel like texting him. That way, if you’re having a day where you feel like you need a little extra attention, you don’t have to rely on your deadbeat dude.
- In that same vein, do not drink and text. If you’re a few drinks deep it’s easy to fall back into the same pattern of texting him to meet up, that you miss him, whatever. If you can’t not text him when you’re drinking, delete his number from your phone.
- Resist the urge to Facebook stalk. There is nothing good that can come of painstakingly clicking through recently added photos of him with other girls. Again, if you can’t help yourself, delete him as a friend!
- Remind yourself that you are worthy of a guy who will treat you right. In the meantime, treat yourself to some fro-yo with the girls (Pinkberry heals all wounds).
Once you take these steps, you are on your way to recovering from the Justin-Bobby plague. With so many hot, talented, NICE guys swarming your campus, there’s no need to keep going back to one who isn’t giving you what you need.
Between waiting for his texts, stalking him on Facebook, stalking other girls he’s hooked up with on Facebook, waiting some more for his texts, and staring out the window in class thinking about him, being in a pseudo-relationship with a Justin-Bobby can be all-consuming. The only way to truly move on is to find something else that will consume you for the time being. Take on a leadership role in your sorority or another activity, train for your first half-marathon, tutor local elementary school kids—anything that’s going to give you some perspective. If you throw yourself into something you love, you’ll find you spend less of your free time thinking about Him. And once you start feeling good about the new, powerful you, you won’t need JB anymore (Justin-Bobby, not Justin Bieber. A girl always needs a LITTLE Justin Bieber in her life).
Sources:
Mtv.com
Youtube.com
Experiences of college girls across the country
Photo Sources:
thehollywoodgossip.com
thedatingoptimist.com
blogging.la