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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

The 8 Worst Pick-Up Lines Actually Attempted on Collegiettes

There’s something about an old-fashioned pick-up line that never fails to amuse—it’s ballsy, it’s corny and presumptuous, and the antithesis of the anonymous online chat.  The modern man has moved beyond the outdated “I lost my number, can I have yours,” but we’re not so sure that’s a good thing…

“I’m Mexican.  Do you like chorizo?”
(Used on Marissa from Bowdoin College)
For those of you confused by this line (or inexplicably hungry), chorizo is Mexican sausage.  Yeah.  Gross.  The only thing more repulsive than referring to genitalia as deli meat is trying to leverage the comparison to score a date.  (And there’s nothing like adding a little racial tension into a casual conversation to make things even more awkward.)  Que malo
“Nice pot. Wanna check out my place?”
(Used on Ali from Boston College)
Not what you think.  After stumbling upon a pretty lady in a kitchen, some guy thought he’d try out the brilliant line in order to, as the infamous apron says, Kiss The Cook. “Nice pot” quickly turned into “Wanna see my place?” which quickly turned into “No.”

“I hate meeting girls like you because they make me want to transfer here.”
(Used on Erica from the University of Michigan
OK Romeo, it’s a nice line but a tad dramatic, don’t you think? You think she’s cute and you’d love to make out in the corner for a few hours, but you’re not really going to uproot your entire life because she knows how to drop it on the dance floor. Tone down the intensity and throw out the transfer app.

“Are you married? I mean that as a compliment…”
(Used on Laura from Virginia Tech)
Granted, the picker-upper was a creepy old man and this probably was a viable line in the 1950’s. Although we cringe at the uncomfortable line and walk slowly away from the poor guy, our grandmothers would’ve been all over him.  (Ew.) And that alone is a reason to turn him down.

“You must run track, you have such big legs!”
(Used on Meghan from UNC Chapel Hill)
Thanks? I know exactly what was running through that guy’s head: Hm what’s the ultimate compliment? I’ve got it, I’ll tell her she looks like an athlete!  Remember, elusive male reader, girls don’t fist pump when we gain ten pounds (even if it is all muscle).  You think you’re slick, but all we want to do after hearing that line is take our big legs to the bathroom and cry.
“Can I borrow your umbrella? Because you’re making me wet.”
(Used on Chelsey from Florida State University)
Besides the fact that this is raunchy and graphic, I’m not even sure if it’s biologically accurate. The fact that this man seems confused about the mechanics of his own bodily functions is a major concern. We can’t decide if he found this line on a “10 Ways To Stay Single” website, or if he’s genuinely a ridiculous, offensive (confused?) man.  Either way, we’re keeping our umbrellas.

“Wow! Nice boobs!”
(Used on Hillary from Columbia University)
This can be filed under the “things you’d rather hear from a Victoria’s Secret salesperson than a stranger” category.  Oh and did I mention this line was attempted on the street? How about the fact that Hillary’s mom was walking with her? At least it’s better than “Can I borrow your umbrella….”
“Do you dance with boys, too?”

(Used on Preeya from Barnard College)
Ah yes, the classic let-me-find-a-way-to-get-this-cute-girl-to-stop-dancing-with-her-friends-and-talk-to-me line.  In his defense, there’s nothing more intimidating than a circle of ladies bumpin’ and grindin’ on each other when all you want to do is be the object of the bump, or, at the very least, the grind (or so I’ve been told). Inadvertently poking at her sexuality isn’t going to get her to save the last dance…assuming saving the last dance is still a thing and not just the best Julia Stiles movie.  Fair attempt, though.


You’ve heard our worst, now let’s hear yours.  Have you ever been the lucky recipient of a horrible, raunchy, corny, complicated, stupid, or otherwise disastrous pick-up line? Leave a comment!

Rachel Peck is a senior at Barnard College, Class of 2012, where she is majoring in English and Theatre and minoring in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. Although she admits to actually enjoying high school in her hometown of Bexley, OH, her favorite thing to do is explore her new--slightly more exciting--home, New York City. When she isn't watching good (and bad...) TV, finding excuses to plan dinner with friends, window shopping, or napping, Rachel enjoys working for the Barnard admissions office, serving on her sorority's various boards, and writing for whoever will read it.  You can also follow her on Twitter (@peckrachel) if you're into that.