First dates are both incredibly exciting and nerve-wracking. You will probably find yourself worrying about everything from what to wear, to how to style your hair, and where to go for your meetup. Feeling nervous is normal and essential in order to find a new partner. You get the opportunity to meet someone that could become really important in your life, see if you are compatible, and hopefully, have some fun along the way!
Whether you just got out of a relationship or you’ve been single and are looking to meet someone, you shouldn’t be wasting any time with the wrong people. If you’ve been in relationships and have a better idea of what you want and what you don’t want, then some of these red flags won’t come as a surprise to you. If you’ve been single most of your life or you just haven’t met the right one yet, then this guide may help you in determining whether someone is right or wrong for you.
It’s important to note that first impressions can leave a long-lasting impact, so don’t let your date’s charm and good looks fool you. When you go on a first date, you should be looking out for certain red flags in your date’s behavior because these can determine the course of your relationship. If you find that your date exhibits any of the following, you might want to reconsider if this is the right moment to move forward.
- They keep talking about their ex.
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One of the biggest red flags that can happen on a first date is if your date brings up their ex – a lot. Don’t get me wrong, it’s healthy to talk about past relationships in order to determine what both you and your date are and are not looking for. Talking about how many relationships you’ve been in, how long they’ve lasted, and why they’ve ended are all completely normal. However, there’s a fine line between a healthy conversation about past partners and an unhealthy conversation.
Comparing you to their ex, listing the things they used to do with their ex and giving you background on their ex’s life before you even finish the first round of drinks is usually evidence that they aren’t fully over them yet. Consistently talking about their ex means they’re still thinking about this past partner. You don’t want to start a relationship with someone like this because they’re most likely still emotionally invested in someone else. Dating someone who isn’t over their ex is a bad idea because you could end up catching feelings for them while they’re still occupied with someone else, leaving you hurt in the end.
- They’re on the phone the whole time.
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Right now when everyone is constantly on their phones, it may be difficult for you to distinguish whether or not this is a deal breaker.
Let me break it down for you. If your date glances at their phone once in a while during the date, that’s completely fine. Maybe they need to get back to their parent or family member or someone else. It’s important to be understanding because you don’t know what’s going on in their lives. However, it can be a problem if your date is checking their phone every few minutes during the date, or if they check their phone for long periods of time without any explanation. If they tell you why they’re checking their phone and offer a valid explanation, then it’s fine. However, if they’re constantly checking it without even apologizing or saying anything about it, then this is a red flag.
This action can be disrespectful because they’re showing you that they consider something or someone else more important during their time with you. Or maybe they’re checking the time which indicates that they’re bored with you, impatient, or simply unable to hold a conversation. Showing these signs early on is an indication of what their behavior will continue to be like if you pursue a relationship with them.
- They don’t ask you questions.
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Being able to have a good conversation with someone is important in any relationship. It’s crucial to get to know your date and have them get to know you in order to see what you have in common, what you both like, and what you dislike. However, if your date is talking about themselves the majority of the time and not asking anything about you, it’s a bad sign. If your date doesn’t bother to ask you about your life, your family and friends, or your interests, then they’re probably not genuinely interested in you.
Going out with someone like this won’t benefit you in the long run. Just walk away while you can.
- They don’t share your priorities.
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First dates are all about getting to know each other and seeing if there’s a connection between you two. It’s important to see if you’re on the same page with your date, which is why you should look out for what they say about their priorities. You should make the effort to get to know what their goals are and see if they match yours. Having a conversation about what kind of a relationship you’re looking for is also normal.
If your date doesn’t have any goals for the future, in terms of personal growth, education, or career-wise, that’s a pretty serious red flag. You don’t want to date someone who’s winging it in school or in life because it indicates that they’re not really passionate or goal-driven. Someone like this could try to hold you back from achieving your own goals and if they can’t help you grow, then you have to let them go.
- They exhibit signs of jealousy or control.
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Jealousy and control are some serious, serious red flags. If you’re on the first date and they’re already showing that they’re the jealous or controlling type, you need to seriously reconsider. If your date obsessively asks you about your friends, why you’re looking at a waiter or another person when you probably weren’t, then they’re probably very possessive. If they’re critical towards your family or friends or what you wear or do, this indicates that they’re probably very controlling. Detecting jealous and controlling behavior should be simple, as described by Kayla Dungee. If they’re already showing these signs early in your relationship, they likely won’t ever change.
First dates can be fun and exciting. You should look forward to going out and meeting someone new. With that being said, you should keep your guard up on the first date and make sure to look out for some of the warning signs mentioned above. While you probably won’t get to know everything about someone after just one date, you should have a pretty good idea of the kind of person they are and if you share common interests and goals.
While these signs don’t necessarily have to be first date deal-breakers, you should definitely take note of any signals you see and watch out for them in the future.