Dating seems to be a hallmark of the college experience; after all, you can meet someone new anywhere on campus, do whatever you want and talk to whomever you desire. But some collegiettes choose to bypass all of that and actively not date. This may seem like a foreign concept to some; why skip out on all of those campus cuties? However, these single collegiettes have some very good reasons for not dating, and they find that making such a big decision doesn’t really affect their friendships or social calendars!
1. Academics
Sarah Joyce, a senior at the University of Florida, chose not to date during her sophomore year because she didn’t do as well academically during my freshman year as she was hoping to. “A huge part of the reason was that I spent too much time trying to pursue a relationship with this guy I’d been dating on and off for a while,” she explains. “It was just a lot of drama, and my grades started to slip.”
Sarah started hitting the books instead of dating, but she felt like spending more time doing work didn’t put a damper on her social life. “It’s not like I locked myself in a corner of the library and never came out!” she says. Sarah still went to parties, hung out with friends and talked to guys.
She found that her close friends didn’t treat her any differently after telling them she was actively not dating; in fact, they were actually super helpful in aiding Sarah with her plan. When a guy once asked one of Sarah’s friends if she was into him or not, “My friend was able to steer him away with a ‘Sarah’s not looking for anything romantic right now’ statement so I didn’t have to, which was a huge relief!” she says.
There’s a lot of pressure to date in college to ensure a “normal” college experience, but Sarah has found that that’s not the case; in fact, she has also decided to continue her non-dating ways into junior year as well as senior year because she found it really helped her stay focused on both school and close friends.
Lucy Cruz, a senior at the University of Florida and a friend of Sarah’s, thinks it’s empowering that Sarah has chosen not to date. “It’s nice to see girls taking control of what they want for themselves, and a lot of people I know who don’t date are still social, fun and interesting,” she says.
Sarah’s biggest piece of advice for collegiettes who choose not to actively date? “Do college on your own terms. The media often paints women who aren’t dating as weird or prude, and that simply isn’t true,” she says. “It’s your experience and your own life!”
2. Religious Beliefs
Carla*, a senior at the University of Minnesota, chose not to date in college due to her Christian faith; she is saving herself for marriage and has chosen not to start dating until after college. She wants to spend her time in school developing close friendships, getting good grades and figuring out what she wants to do with the rest of her life.
Carla also feels like her religious beliefs have not stopped her in the least when it comes to meeting new people and maintaining friendships. She specifically remembers a conversation with a friend who was actually inspired by Carla’s principles and decided to stop dating during college as well.
However, there’s one important tip that Carla has when it comes to not dating in college: make sure you don’t force your ideas or beliefs onto others. It’s okay to make your own decisions, but remember that what’s best for you might not be best for another person.
Carla has made sure to offer her friends the same courtesy that they give her. “I wouldn’t want someone telling me what to do when it comes to my relationships, and my friends have been great about not getting on my case about not dating,” she says. “As long as my friends are not harming themselves or others, I support them in their decisions.”
Kate Masters, a junior at Wesleyan University, had her own experiences with a friend not dating in college, and she reiterates what Carla says about not pushing personal beliefs on other people. “The rest of my friends and I did date guys, and my friend who wasn’t dating anyone was awesome about not telling us what to do or judging us for our actions,” she says. “I really appreciated that, and we’re still super close this year.”
On the other hand, Kate had another friend during freshman year who chose not to date, but she felt like this particular friend judged her. “I once told her that I had kissed a boy at a party, and she instantly went off on me and called me irresponsible,” she says.
3. Focusing on Yourself
College is a transformative time for most students, and you might find yourself wanting to take some time to focus on yourself instead of someone else.
Julie*, a junior at the University of Texas, chose not to date when starting her freshman year due to a lot of turmoil in her personal life. “I had lost a close family friend at the beginning of my freshman year, I was super homesick and I just generally felt disconnected to people around me,” she explains. “I wasn’t emotionally stable, and I definitely didn’t want to bring all of my problems into a hook-up or a relationship.”
Julie definitely feels like she made the right choice. She began seeing a counselor at school and started opening up to people and making close friendships, and she feels like she wouldn’t have been able to do that without actively deciding not to date.
However, Julie says that things weren’t always so smooth. A guy in her friend group asked her out during her freshman year, and when she nicely let him down, stating that she wasn’t looking for anything romantic, he stopped talking to her. “It was sad to lose a friend like that, but if someone doesn’t even want to hang out with me just because I won’t date them, that’s on that person and not me,” she says.
Julie encourages collegiettes to focus on themselves before jumping into a hook-up or relationship. “Even if there’s a super cute guy texting you and saying how much he likes you, think about if that’s really what you need at that moment,” she says. “Guys will come and go, but you’ll always be stuck with yourself. Make sure you’re happy and healthy!”
Overall, choosing not to date in college is perfectly okay! Many collegiettes do it successfully and for a wide variety of reasons. Make sure you define your limits but still have a little fun in the process. Also, as several collegiettes have noted, be respectful of other people’s decisions even if you disagree with them. Dating is a sensitive topic for anyone, and it’s nice to be supportive and open-minded!
*Names have been changed.