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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

22 Things You Should Never Say to a Girl in Bed

For the most part, sex is a great time ––but as most of us know, it’s not always the most glamourous, passionate, pleasurable or romantic activity. If you’ve ever had a not-so-hot hook-up (and we all have had at least one), you know exactly what we’re talking about. Like the old saying goes, “Some things are better left unsaid,” and this definitely applies in the bedroom. Read below for 22 things you should never say to a girl in bed.

1. “We’re friends, right?”

Ahhhhhh, nothing like the sweet sweet smell of a fuckboy.

2. “What are you doing?”

Let’s all cringe together now. 

3. “Chill with your teeth.”

Excuse me while I go crawl in a hole and die. 

4. “Don’t tell anybody about this!”

OK! I’ll be sure to go tell everybody!

5. “Calm down.”

Ummmmm? Yikes.

6. “Let’s get this over with.”

How about you fuck off, instead?

7. “What’s your name, again?”

And in that moment, you realize you’ve made a huge mistake. 

8. “I’m so fucked up.”


9. “My ex and I used to do it like this…”

No. Just no. Hell fucking no. Goodbye.

10. “You have small boobs!”

Thank you so much!

11. “You have a small ass!”

Again, thank you so much!

12. “Thanks for that, I gotta get outta here.”

C’mon dude… At least have the decency to spend the night before bailing. 

13. “I never go down on girls.”

Cool! Lucky for you, I don’t go down on guys either, ha ha.

14. “That feels awesome, Laura.”

Thanks, but my name actually isn’t Laura ––who the hell is Laura? 

15. “Do we have to use a condom?”

Attention boys: Unless a girl specifically says otherwise, always assume you have to use a condom…

16. “Can you hurry up?”


17. “You’re not doing it right.”

It’s a mixture of insulting and embarassing. 

18. “I think we should break up.”

Really? You’re telling me now?

19. “This isn’t as good as it used to be.”

How does one appropriately respond to such a thing?

20. “The condom broke.”

UGH. Ugh. Ughhhhhhhh.

21. “We can keep this a secret, right?”

Douchebag alert. 

22. “What are we?”

Not the time or place, honey.

Taylor is a senior at Temple University in Philadelphia. She is pursuing a major in journalism with a minor in English. Taylor is a member of Delta Zeta and she hopes to work for a magazine after college. Some of Taylor's favorite things include fashion, fitness, Harry Potter, Chipotle and Instagram. Find her on Twitter and Instagram @Tay_Carson!