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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

11 Valentine’s Day Cards Hallmark Should Make

Forget the conventional “Heart U 2” V-day cards. Relationships are never that simple, so it’s about time someone made cards to fit our unique romantic and platonic situations. These cards aren’t the most tactful, but they’d certainly get the point across. You can say goodbye to mixed signals once Hallmark makes these 11 brutally honest Valentine’s Day cards.

1. For people who can’t take a hint

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry to say I’m not into you.”

2. For guys in the friend zone

“I value our FRIENDship so much. You are like a brother to me because I care so much about you and I would never kiss you. Happy Valentine’s Day, FRIEND!”

3. For your friend with benefits

“Let’s not make it weird. Today is like any other day of the year. P.S. You’re sexy!”

4. For a boyfriend

“I like you, but I don’t love you… yet. Unless you love me. In that case, I’d have to think about it. I’m glad we agreed on no gifts so early in the relationship, though… Crap, you bought me a gift?!”

5. For your long-term boyfriend

“For Valentine’s Day, I would like a ________________. Please help me out and just tell me what you want. I’m running out of ideas! Thanks babe, love ya!”

6. For a complicated relationship

“Happy Valentine’s Day, or sad Valentine’s Day, depending on how we’re doing. I love/hate you!”

7. For the friend you want to date

“Have a happy Valentine’s Day and make a move on me already—or just the first thing I said, if the second thing weirded you out. Can we still be friends (or more)?”

8. For your ex

“Remember when you planned that super romantic date for me last year? I don’t either. Have a mediocre every day.”

9. For your best girl friends who are taken

10. For your best girl friends who are single

“Can we be crazy cat ladies together? <3, your purrrfect match”

11. For your single self

“Happy Singles Awareness Day, you strong, independent woman! Take the money you aren’t spending on a significant other and buy yourself something chocolatey or sparkly. You’re welcome.”

Connie is a professional and creative writing major at Carnegie Mellon University. She is currently obsessed with pole fitness, pumpkin bread, and '80s fashion.