Real Live College Guy Andy: Are An Ex's Friends 100% Off Limits?


Do you ever find yourself shrugging your shoulders and settling on the "boys will be boys" conclusion? Real Live College Guy Andy is here to show you that mature men do (in fact) exist. He has an uncanny ability to sort out the good guys from the bad apples and is here to bring you the best in college love advice.

I have a crush on my ex's good friend. We all still hang out with each other and with the same group of people, so it's hard not to intermingle. I sense this is dangerous territory, so should I just suppress this crush altogether, or actually go for it? I don't want it to look like I'm trying to spite my ex, or like I am a sl*t for moving from guy to guy in the same group of friends. - Off Limits? at Oregon State

So really, you have to ask yourself one question: Could you see this being a long-term relationship or is this just a passing girl crush?

If it's just another ol’ lustful crush, then at some point those feelings should subside and there will be no more dilemma. But I think you do see this crush as long-term material since you have asked for my advice.

Let's assume this to be the case.

Personally, I've always been an advocate of going for it.  If you really, really like someone, I think it's crucial to see what could happen. (Who knows? It could be the love of your life.) Now from what I can surmise, this crush of yours is a guy friend whom you know really well and it sounds as if he is seriously making your toes curl. If all of this is accurate, then you have to talk to the crush about how he feels about you.

If he returns having the same feelings, then you two need to decide whether or not you both want to go for it or put those feelings aside. No, I don’t think that friends of an ex are totally off-limits. It just all depends on how close of friends everyone is in this group. Unless this friend was one of my closest friends, I would probably go for it because there is a good chance for a successful relationship given that the foundation of friendship has already been built. But also take into consideration that it could be a bad idea to risk alienating the group and possibly losing him as a friend. In that case, you both should try to sequester your feelings.

Just make sure that before doing anything (like spontaneously hooking up with him, which would be a bad, bad idea), you have a sit-down with your crush and talk to him.

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