Her Story: I Took Back a Cheater

You and your girlfriends hear of some guy who cheated on his girlfriend. Maybe it’s that couple from high school, or maybe it’s mere collegiette gossip. Instead of throwing a fit and vowing to never see the d-bag again, the girl does something different—she takes him back. At this point in the conversation, you and your friends are bashing this girl for her stupidity: she’s a bimbo, she’s oblivious, she’s an idiot. We’ve all thought that before.

I used to be one of those girls. I thought, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” But it wasn’t until I was cheated on that I understood what these so-called “bimbos” were thinking. Call me crazy, but I took back my own cheater. My story isn’t supposed to be a pity party, but I do hope it helps girls understand the other side while simultaneously acting as a support system for girls who went through what I did.

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? When I was a junior in high school, all I wanted was a boyfriend, accompanied with a whirlwind romance. Imagine my surprise when one of my guy friends asked me out on a date. After weighing the pros and cons—yes, I’m that girl—I agreed to a date. A couple awkward months later, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Finally, just what I had always wanted.

Everyone would always comment on how “out of his league” I was – people would say I was more attractive and ambitious (their words, not mine) than him. But I didn’t care: I was treated like a princess. After all, don’t all pre-collegiettes want to be showered with compliments, driven around, and treated to ice cream on the regular?

Since my boyfriend was a year older and, well, a boy, he was very eager to lose his virginity. As a pregnancy-phobic, I wanted to get on birth control. That required asking my mom to take me to the gyno, which would have just been awkward. Every time he tried to persuade me, I was very adamant with my choice to wait. I will admit that he was disappointed, but respectful. One time, my answer (once again, a no) opened up a whole new question: would we try a long distance relationship when he went to college? Before I was in a relationship, I thought long distance was stupid. But I was in love (or so I thought), so why not try it out?

When he left for college, I tried my hardest to be the best long distance girlfriend ever: I’d talk to him every night, send him cute letters in the mail, and even visit him. Things were going well until late September, a year after we started dating. After visiting one of his best friends from high school—a girl, mind you—he became very distant with me. When I asked his best guy friend, he just said that my boyfriend was having a tough time adjusting to college. Since my boyfriend was always one of those people who loved high school, that made a lot of sense. Besides, why would his friend—whom I was also close with—lie to me? A week before our one year anniversary, I visited him at school. Lo and behold, he started pressuring me again to have sex. Since I still wasn’t on birth control, I said no. This time, he didn’t seem to respect my wishes as he did before: he became angry, and we started fighting.

A week later, my mom and I talked about making an appointment with the gyno. I honestly didn’t feel threatened by our fight – I just thought it was time to ask. By the time he came home for Christmas break, I was officially on birth control. I was excited, nervous—any emotion a girl usually feels anticipating this day. But the day my boyfriend was coming home, my ideal V-card scenario was shattered. We were chatting online before he left, and I was telling him how excited I was to hear back from colleges. He was not interested. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that there was something he needed to tell me… in person. Is it just me or is that the most terrible thing a person can say to you? I instantly expected the worst, and I asked him if he wanted to end things. Thankfully, he said no. Okay, what’s the second worst thing? “Did something happen with another girl?” I timidly typed. “We’ll talk about it when I get home,” he replied, making some lame excuse and then signing off. My stomach dropped. Where was this coming from? Did he actually cheat on me? I texted two of my close friends, and they rushed over with treats. For the rest of the day, I sat on my couch, emotionally paralyzed, as I awaited my fate.