The Seven Deadly Texts

Texting has been fostering loving relationships since the early 2000’s, when people realized just how witty they could be when they actually had the time to think of something clever. To this day, a funny text can salvage an awkward situation, make someone’s day, or at the very least, remind them of your existence. But there’s a time and a place for everything and sometimes, your boyfriend’s inbox just isn’t it. Here are the seven texts you should never send to him, lest you commit a relationship sin.

1. Saying the first “I love you.”
Aww, how sweet of you to share that! He’ll probably lock that text and cherish it forever — until, of course, he gets an upgrade or breaks his phone or accidentally deletes everything. But don’t worry, he’ll always remember that special moment he clicked “View Text”! Actually, that sounds awful: not only does it come across as excessively casual and insincere, but it’s also difficult to respond to. He may not feel ready to reciprocate, let alone via casual text message. If you’ve been dating for a while and you’re comfortable enough throwing those three little words around, go ahead, but unless you’re bleeding from every artery or you know the world is ending within the next ten minutes, save the first “I love you” for a face-to-face interaction.
2. Bailing last minute.
It sucks to disappoint him, but if your reason for doing so is at all valid, you shouldn’t hesitate to call him up and explain the situation. Whatever you’re missing, whether it’s just another lunch date or his emergency appendectomy, he’s already going to be upset that you won’t be there. Don’t put him in the position of wondering where you are and hesitating to contact you for fear of seeming too neurotic: “The worst are the multiple ‘where are you?’ texts,” says Jamie, a student at George Washington University. “It's a little obsessive and clingy.” Tell him you can’t make it as soon as you know, but don’t settle for a quick text; playing it cool hasn’t impressed anyone since the seventh grade. Show him you really care by putting in a little extra effort — call him up, apologize and promise you’ll make it up to him soon.
3. Marking official progress.
Don’t get us wrong — it’s great that you’re gung-ho about the new relationship — but big steps are not to be decided via text message. That goes for both emotional commitments, like proposing the idea of becoming exclusive, as well as physical advancements. And if that isn’t clear enough, we’ll spell it out for you: sexting is a no-no, especially when alcohol or an unreliable phone is involved. “You never know - ‘Mike’ might be right next to ‘Mom’ in your address book,” says Jaime, a collegiette from the University of Alabama at Birmingham. “That just gets awkward.”

4. Saying you’re sorry.
If you’re picking up on the pattern here at all, it should be pretty obvious by now that a mess-up should elicit more from you than just a text. But don’t just say “I’m sorry” when something is your fault; it’s also important to show empathy when he’s having a bad day. “If your girlfriend/boyfriend said they’re really having a rough morning and feeling like crap, just pick up the phone and call them!” says Madeline from Mt. Holyoke College. “Replying with ‘sorry :(’ just doesn't cut it.” See this as an opportunity to get creative — send him a teddy bear or pull a Princess Diaries M&M’s-on-pizza delivery. He’ll appreciate the gesture and probably cheer up a bit, too.