Real Live College Guy Sean: He Pursued Me, But Now He Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship

Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!

I started hooking up with this guy about a month ago. He pursued me way more than I pursued him, and I was under the impression that we were in the "prelationship" stage. We have a lot of mutual friends and as far as I know, they thought the same thing - that we weren't official yet, but that was where it was heading. But the other night he dropped the bombshell that he's not interested in a relationship with anyone, now or anytime soon. He just wants things to stop and stay where they are. Now I'm completely confused. I think I just got "friends-with-benefits"-zoned, but then why did everyone seem to think this was going somewhere except him? - But... Wait... What...? at BC

Hey, But… Wait… What?

Plainly put, this guy is “friends-with-benefits”-zoning you. Unfortunately, he’s used the courtship stage of relationships, perhaps one of the most exciting times, so he can just hook up with you and remain free of commitment.

I’d like to get something off my chest. It’s because of situations like this in which scumbag guys lead on women, that the good college guys sometimes have a difficult time even though their intentions are entirely genuine. Communication is everything. It’s fine if someone is just looking for friends with benefits, and it can even be a good thing at times. But, he should have stated his intentions much earlier than he actually did because being led on sucks http://www.hercampus.com/love/dating-hooking/top-10-signs-he-s-player. If you lead someone to believe that you’re heading into a relationship, it’s pretty crappy to tell them, “Hahaha…jk. LOL.” And leaving you to say, “WTF?” (see what I did there?).

That being said, since he’s come clean in telling you that he’s not interested in a relationship “with anyone, now or anytime soon,” at least he isn’t continuing to string you along. He could have just continued to make excuses. Think of it this way, what if things had gone further and he had dropped this on you in a few months? You’d likely be past the “prelationship” stage (awesome phrase by the way – I’ve never heard of this until now) and this situation would be a lot worse. That being said though, that doesn’t make the pain any easier to bear now. If he didn’t want a relationship, he should have told you at the start rather than drawing you into the scenario that you’re currently in. If he hurt you this much now, then there’s no telling what damage he could do by being so reckless in a long-term relationship.

My freshman year roommate did something similar. Once he got out of a long-term relationship, he would hint that he wanted to be more than friends. He would pursue the woman in question until they were essentially dating. At the last minute, he would say he wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship… after leading her on for weeks. It drove me insane and it’s pretty fair to say that he was only my roommate for one year. But I digress. Like my roommate, this guy of yours was probably afraid of being single and needs a woman to validate his existence.

The point is, I think that you’re better off finding someone else who isn’t as erratic or unpredictable. There are plenty of good college dudes out there who are willing to be clear about what they’re looking for, and won’t lead you to believe that you’re heading into a relationship when you really aren’t.

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