Real Live College Guy Joel: Why He Won't Make It Official

Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male?  Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
 
So I've been dating this guy for two or three months now and he refuses to make it official. Whenever I ask my friends about this they say he must be dating other people as well, but the thing is he doesn't have time to. He's always at school or with me. Why do you think he is putting off making it official and what can I do to help ease him into it? -Complicated at Colorado

Complicated at Colorado,
Two to three months is an awfully long time to not have a clear idea what your status is with this guy. Relationships don’t need to fit into neat girlfriend/boyfriend definitions, but if you are still unsure at this point if you are even exclusive with him then you’re having some serious communication issues.

I’m uncertain as to what you mean when you say he “refuses.” Have you actually tried to discuss this with him and he’s said he doesn’t want to be official? If he’s refusing to recognize you as someone important in his life, then you need to leave immediately. But I worry “refuse” just means that he hasn’t sat down with you on a hill overlooking a moonlit city and said, “I love you, be my girlfriend.” Some guys are legitimately scared of the loss of freedom and autonomy they see in serious emotional commitment. Others, like me, just don’t worry about conventional labels and want to see what form your shared feelings will take as you grow close together. “Official” takes different shapes for different people. For some it means splashing your relationship across the pages of Facebook; for others it’s simply agreeing to be exclusive. He may, for all you know, essentially consider the two of you official already.

You don’t know how he feels about your relationship if you haven’t sat down and discussed this with him. You spend a lot of time with this guy; the time for worrying about being clingy has passed. Be calm and collected, but you should just ask what he considers the status of your current relationship to be. If he puts you off, then reevaluate if he’s worth your time. But he likely really cares about you if he’s been dating you this long, and he’ll probably agree to call your relationship whatever will make you happy.

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