We have this idea that if we’re passionate about something, then doing it should never be hard, never be boring. It should never make us want to scream and rip our hair out and quit.
But that’s not how it is. That thing you love to do? Your passion? It’s going to be hard at some point, if it hasn’t been already. You’re going to think about quitting about 500 times. Trust me, I know.
I used to write a lot, especially in highschool when Homeschooler Stephanie didn’t do much outside of school working at the library (and camp during the summer) and going to youth group once a week. I lived kind of far from all my friends, so when things got lonely, I wrote. Mostly super embarrassing fanfiction I only show to people when they’re sad and want to make them laugh, but I still wrote. It was constantly on my mind, I was always thinking of new things to write, jotting them down, and working on drafts. I loved it.
So when applications for university came around, writing was the major that made sense, it was what I loved more than almost anything else. I applied to York’s program, got in, and fell in love with my courses. But it wasn’t easy. It felt right, but was so frustrating at times. It still is.
If I’m being honest, this is about the sixth draft of this article I’ve written. I’ve been experiencing a major block for the past week or so and writing about it is the only cure I’ve been able to drum up in hours of agonizing over my computer. And that’s okay. It’s okay to struggle with something you love. I barely touch creative writing these days, mostly because I’m scared. Being scared is okay too. But I’ve been learning that we need to push past those things so we can hone our passions and become truly incredible at what we love.
I’m still working, still fighting. And frankly, doing a lot of hair ripping. I used to consider switching my major because I believed that my struggles with writing meant that it really wasn’t my thing, that there was something out there I would be a natural at. But that’s not how it works either. You can totally suck at something and it can still be your passion. Being the best is not the same thing as being passionate.
That’s something I’m needing to remember, especially as I struggle my way through learning Korean. I love it (also hate it sometimes, depending on the grammar point), but I struggle so much with it. That’s okay. It’s okay to suck, because being terrible at something is a great starting point.
Never doubt if you’re really passionate about something just because you’re not like the seven-year-olds on YouTube who play crazy Charkovsky pieces on the piano, or you’re not modelling Elle Couture dresses just yet. Passion and skill level are two entirely different things. In the end, it’s about doing something that makes you happy and fulfilled. That’s what matters.