As a junior in college, a cheerleader, a tour guide, and a part-time writer at a local marketing and advertising agency, it may seem like I have a lot going on, and I do. However, it’s a lot more than you may have expected. Many people have a lot to overcome in their time spent here on this Earth. However, I somehow was able to do the same, but not nearly as easily as you may think.
When some people hear the word “autism”, you may not know what to think, some people have no idea of what it even is. Thoughts that come to some minds are shyness, screaming tantrums, and issues with dealing with emotions are definitely common. These are just chipping at the surface of an iceberg of events and obstacles for someone who is diagnosed with Autism.
When I was a year and a half old, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Hearing the news was incredibly difficult for my parents, who had to supervise every aspect of my life from that point onward. I couldn’t be left alone, except for when I would finally fall asleep, and I would instantly begin screaming as soon as I awoke.
I didn’t start speaking until I was 3 years old; even then, I would still mostly use hand motions to communicate to my family and teachers. As I began school, my family knew that it would be difficult for me. I acted out, got frustrated easily, and I didn’t know how to identify my emotions or handle them, which is something that I still deal with today.
For the first 15 years of my life, I was involved in various speech and therapy classes in order to control my emotions, and to edit my speech patterns. Since I started speaking later than most children, so my verbal skills were far less than average. Once I began speaking, therapists only cared about me being able to speak more often, rather than trying to correct me for speaking like Elmer Fudd.
Since my school years, it has been difficult for me to adapt to change, which was increased by my family moving several times throughout my life, the hardest ones being at the start of middle school, and right before starting college. Through my school years, it was difficult for me to study and pay attention; and because I was so worried about not knowing anyone, it really affected my work and my morale.
Moving to a new town at the beginning of middle school was one of the biggest changes that I had to face. I had moved a lot as a child, but this was the first move where I was actually able to remember everything, especially the feelings of uncertainty. It was July when we moved there, so I spent the rest of the summer hiding in my room or running errands with my parents. Besides those times, I never left my house, fearful of meeting new people, and it definitely showed when I stepped into my new school with skin like milk among a sea of tanned preteens. I eventually made friends, but it was still that stage where I was very vulnerable, and everyone who said something nice to me was suddenly my friend, even if they said it sarcastically. Either way, I couldn’t tell the difference, and I was too naïve to fully understand what sarcasm was.
The worst of the effects for me started when I started to apply for colleges. No schools would accept me because of my grades, which weren’t awful, but definitely were a factor. I was frustrated, not wanting to leave home, but knowing from my parents that I wasn’t going to get a job anywhere without some type of degree. However, I eventually got accepted into two schools out of the ten that I had applied for. Feeling a little lost, I accepted the one that was closest. This was the same time that I realized that I had made it so far, and a lot further than many others that were in my same situation. I was at ease, knowing that I would be close to home, until I was told that we were moving again.
Coming into college, I was obviously nervous, but so was everyone else that was hauling bedding sets and futons into their dorm rooms freshman year. I was lucky enough to have a roommate who was the perfect match for me. We got along so well, told each other everything, and we were always comfortable with each other and eager to hang out; it couldn’t have been more perfect. I was also lucky enough to meet my boyfriend freshman year (still together now, over 2 years strong, woo-hoo!), and we fell for each other fast and hard. I always had someone to turn to, whether it was my friends on the cheerleading team, my boyfriend, or my roommate. Adapting to change is still very hard for me, but by surrounding myself by the right people, I was able to make the hardest change in my life practically seamless.
Throughout the past year or so, I have seen a change in how my mental disorder affects me. I’ve had more mood swings, I get depressed very easily, and there are times where I can’t get myself to get out of bed, but it happens. I learn more every day on how to deal with my emotions, and how to use them to change the outlook of each situation.
Transitioning into college made me feel a lot better about the person that I am. It made me look around and see that everyone has had their own struggles that they have dealt with throughout their lives, or even currently. Realizing this made me feel more ‘normal’, and that was the first time that I had felt that way. I still struggle with handling and recognizing my own emotions, and it’s a struggle that I deal with almost every day. However, I am learning to cope with it more, thanks to the amazing people that I surround myself with.