The Ethics of Vibrating

Season 1, Episode 9. You might remember the episode: Real-life sex in the city is imitated by a product of technology, the Rabbit Vibrator. Charlotte, tired of the wasted effort she puts into men, finds a new hobby with her vibrator. Her investment: negative. Her feelings: nonexistent. Her climaxes: unparalleled. The Rabbit gives Charlotte all the sexual satisfaction north of Houston, yet by the end of the episode she tosses it. In a purgative revelation, Charlotte confesses that despite a multiplicity of modes, and deep, deep penetration, the Rabbit is only a machine. It cannot provide to her the human connection and emotional fulfillment she so desires.

Should we all follow Charlotte and toss out our vibrators? Is ~~vibrating~~ just giving up? Are we retreating to these silicone toys out of fear of rejection, disappointment, or heartbreak? And more importantly, is the satisfaction provided by our vibrators undermining our ability to find real love?

To shed some light upon these long debated ethical questions, I interviewed above-average student and proud owner of a vibrator, Anonymous. She walked into the interview wearing all black like a baddie, her glowing skin unmistakably boasting that she had just recently, in the past ten minutes, had an orgasm. Anonymous released a sigh, “Hey, how are you.”

    “Pretty good,” I replied, still envying her glow. “So, what type of vibrator do you use?”

    “I’ve gone through a few. I’m currently using, I think its called the magic wand? It stimulates both the G-spot and the clitoris.”

    I imagined her doing a Youtube vibrator haul as she took me through the narration of all 14 of her silicon lovers. “Are you empty inside?”


    “I’m sorry, that’s not exactly what I meant. But don’t you ever feel like something is missing from your sex life?”

    “You mean like a man…?”

    “Some could say,” I tried to play it cool.

    “Well, I still hook up with real people too. Owning a vibrator just allows me to explore people at Yale without any of the added pressure of needing to get laid. Because I’m sexually satisfied I never have to be naively desperate.”

    I understood what she meant, but still I thought there was a certain, underrated beauty in being desperate. “Totally, girl.”

    “I mean if you think about it, using a vibrator gets a weird rep while men get off all the time with no judgment. There’s such a double standard.” Anonymous was smart. There was no question about that.

    “In 10 years do you see yourself marrying your vibrator?”

    “That’s really messed up.”

    “Sorry, it was a joke.”

Forgiveness was given that winter day. Anonymous walked out of the room leaving me to with some unanswered ethical questions and the sudden urge to ditch my go-to online shopping site, Shopbop and Kellogs Cereal, and instead browse through the “unboundbabes” BlackFriday vibrator sale. Pro tip: The Bender is now 25% off, order quick.