I am a makeup junkie. I’ll be the first person to tell you that. And anyone who knows me well enough to be a part of my life knows my love for makeup. It has the power to make a girl feel more beautiful and confident. But recently, I’ve been going through a lot with my mental health, and I tend to let my depression get the best of me. This means, for me personally, that sleep has been an uncontrollable force of nature lately, and my brain and body no longer have the motivation they once had to wake up everyday and “get on fleek.” It takes a lot out of me many days just to get out of the bed and make it to campus for my classes.
So, let’s back up. You’re probably wondering why this happened, and I’ll tell you. I’ve had depression for about three years, and during these years the hardest thing for me has been looking at myself in the mirror and accepting who I see. My way of coping and battling manifested itself into my makeup obsession, and I always felt much more motivated to go out and be around people when I had on a full face of makeup. However I haven’t even been able to pull myself up and motivate myself enough to put it on recently. My stress levels have been sky high, making it impossible to focus on what needs to happen and spending all of time worrying about how I’m supposed to please everyone and make everyone else happy, while forgetting to take care of myself.
After a difficult breakup, dyeing my hair dark brown, eating healthier, and learning to love my physical self more (it’s definitely a work in progress), but I’m happy with how much I’ve changed. My friends all tell me how much they love me, how much I mean to them, and how gorgeous and beautiful they think I am on a daily basis even when I’m not wearing a touch of makeup. I feel many days that I can move mountains with the amount of love I am showered and graced with. It is a truly wonderful life that I am living, and I’m really proud of myself for being able to say that without hiding behind my love of makeup. So, thank you, cosmetic industry, for giving me what I needed even when I may not need you around.