This past week, I have been snowed in. I really do mean snowed in. With front-wheel drive, ice and snow everywhere, and little experience driving on compromising winter roads, I’ve been stuck. Day one of the snow-confinement was pretty fun. I didn’t have to go to school, I didn’t have to go to work, I didn’t have anything to do but rest and get caught up on some homework. It was pretty relaxing, and I was looking forward to returning to school the next day.
The roads didn’t get any better. Day Two. I waited it out and got more work done. I was bent on keeping up with all of my school work so when I returned, I wasn’t so behind that it was overwhelming on Thursday.
The roads got worse. Day Three. At this point, I was completely flipping out. I was at panic attack mode all day, trying to keep my anxieties at bay. Things were going fine until I talked to my mom. She just made it worse telling me I should have gone back Monday after work, I could have gone back Wednesday after work when the sun was out, I could have done this and I could have done that. I was already feeling guilty enough, so I didn’t need any help, THANKS.
Luckily, on Thursday morning, my boyfriend called me on his way into work to talk to me. He reminded me that, I’m not in school to earn a grade. I’m not in school to gain the approval of anyone. I’m in school for a purpose, and one purpose only — to learn. If I go to school for four years, rack up this huge bill I’ll be paying on for an eternity after school, the highest honors, and a whole lot of friends, I honestly don’t think that matters if I didn’t learn anything.
I’ve always lived for the approval of others. I have tried to out do everyone because I wanted to be the best. I thought that if I was the best, my family would love me, my bosses would love me, my friends would love me. I would be indispensable if I could just be perfect. After my talk with my boyfriend, he helped me to see how flawed and life-wasting that thought process is. After our talk this morning, I got to thinking about a great scripture that applies to this situation very well:
Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
My whole life, I have been “[laying] up for [myself] treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.” I’ve been living for a piece of paper, a tassel, a gown, a hood, approval from family and friends.
That piece of paper could be in a fire and burn up. That tassel is going to fall apart one day. That gown is not going to fit and I’ll be too old to wear it, and when I die, I won’t be able to wear it (unless I’m buried in it, which would be really weird), that hood could get lost in a move.
Family and friends, if they really love you, will love you no matter what you do in life, no matter what grades you get, and no matter where you go. If getting a B makes them disappointed, that’s their own loss. It’s their own loss that they are missing out on how intelligent you are, but you may not have connected well with the teacher’s instructing style or the tests were a lot different than what you studied or maybe you had test anxiety.
Instead, I should be putting my energy and hope into things that won’t rust or destroy, that people can’t steal. That’s stuff that’s inside you — your character, your love for others, your soul stuff that really matters. That stuff right there, NO ONE can take it away from you.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” I don’t know about you, but when the end of my life comes, I don’t want to discover that I lived for material things. I want to have lived for God, for serving people, for loving the world, for loving my husband and my children and my family, for living a life of purpose. I want to be known for more than what I gained materially. I want to be known for Who gave me all that.