Finding “the one” is challenging on its own, and the mind games people play only add to the difficulty. To help you navigate the dating scene, here are some valuable tips I’ve compiled through my experiences, friends and family.
1. Less is More: Trying Harder Won’t Make Him Like You More
It’s a common misconception that putting in extra effort will make him like you more. The reality is genuine connections are built on authenticity. If he’s not into you, it’s not a reflection of your worth but rather a matter of his preferences. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
2. The Art of Wooing: Let Him Take the Lead
For a secure and available man, a simple smile and three seconds of eye contact can catalyze a meaningful connection. Allow him to take the lead on the date – the purpose is for him to woo you, not the other way around. Historically, women would entertain multiple suitors, selecting the one who impressed them the most.
3. Recognizing Unwanted Behavior
If a man makes you feel like your needs are a burden, he probably doesn’t like you that much. You may be wondering why a man would be around if he doesn’t like me very much, and that’s a fair question. Men may enter relationships for various reasons like a sense of security, sex and waiting til the next thing comes along. But it’s proven that if you don’t like being there for your partner, you don’t like them very much. Think about someone you really like and doing something for them. It should make you feel happy, right?
4. Shift Your Focus
Don’t lose sight of your own narrative. While men can play a role in your story, remember that you are the main character. Focus on personal growth and fulfillment, and let relationships complement your journey rather than define it.
5. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Pay attention to a man’s actions, not just his words. If he claims to be there for you but fails to follow through, his actions reveal the true nature of his intentions. It’s essential to evaluate a person’s consistency over time.
6. Stop Accepting Behavior
If you are tired of receiving a specific behavior, stop accepting it. Stop replying if he only texts you after 9 p.m. to do something and you don’t want to. Just remove yourself from the situation. He’ll catch up or he won’t. Your investment should be aligned with the effort you put in. It is in your best interest that the time, energy and emotion you put in matches his level of effort. Say this if they’re offering the bare minimum, never asking you out or wanting to do what you want to do. The scenario is that they want you to come over, and you know what that means. You say, “I’m not interested in XYZ (whatever he wants), but I’d be up for XYZ (what you want to do).” Then silence, don’t follow up with another text or in person. Don’t say anything else. Just sit in silence and let them think. A couple of things are going to happen. One, he is given the opportunity to rise to the occasion because you’ve effectively set a boundary and tell him what you want, and he can either meet that need or not. Or, it might expose that he’s not ready, willing, able, or interested to provide what you need. It’s your time to move on.
7. Avoid Coddling Poor Decisions
It’s not your responsibility to make a man feel better about his poor decisions. Repeated exposure to you coddling him over his poor choices devalues you in his mind, whether consciously or subconsciously. Suppose you keep saying that particular behavior is okay. He knows now that he can keep getting away with poor behavior, and it makes him think it is okay. In that case, he is getting rewarded for bad decisions, and it’s conditioning him
8. You are allowed to be attracted to someone, but it takes months to get to know someone
No major decision should be made within the first few months. How you allow yourself to be treated is usually a reflection of how you see yourself, and it’s usually the best place to start
9. Texting Don’ts
Constantly initiating contact with that boy is precisely why he never initiates contact with you. If he has your number and you’re texting but then he stops texting you, don’t send a follow-up text; make other plans. You don’t need to plan your life around his own. This means he is prioritizing other things over you, which is fine but that doesn’t mean you prioritize him over everything else. Before hitting send on that text to that guy, evaluate why you are reaching out and what you hope to get out of that exchange, and consider if that’s something you should be doing to yourself first
10. There is someone out there for you
There is a man out there who will do everything you want a man to do and not just do it, but he will put in the work and be so overjoyed to be with you, and not a guy you’re not attracted to. There is a guy that you are attracted to that will do this. You need to realize, confront, and address the avoidant part of you. Why, when a man is nice to you, you pull away. You need to be able to communicate what makes you happy. That doesn’t mean on the first date, give him a list of what you want, but be more appreciative and complement the things that he does when he does them and explain how they make you feel.