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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at WMU chapter.

      I had always pictured my life as plain, simple, average. I knew I wanted three cats named George, Paul, and John (in that order of adoption, no matter what gender—note there is no Ringo because no one likes Ringo). I had envisioned myself at 30 sitting on the couch during that “time of the month” (note: this “time of the month” would always come because there is no time for children when you must watch every Netflix show with a two star or above rating) indulging in a Klondike bar, or ten, all alone. There would be no time for funny business and settling down when I had a career to attend to. Granted, I do not have my dream job yet. I am currently working in the marketing department of the Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company, but not for much longer. I will soon be the CEO of my own shirt company, featuring my very own line of Vegetarian tee shirt’s; including phrases such as “Broccoli is the new black” and “I don’t carrot all”. When my dream is complete, and when I’m rolling in the dough, I shall take my cats on a European countryside vacation. This is all a very specific plan for my future. There was never a man in the equation of life, until…

      I was at Applebee’s with my two best friends Katie and Skanky (Katie is short for Katherine, and Skanky’s nickname should explain itself). We were in a deep conversation about the quagmire of financial indebtedness from starting up my own company. I was in the middle of explaining that every flourishing business first starts with pawning your bed frame for the cash, when he caught my eye.

       I looked over to the next table and there he was. I’m not the type of woman to succumb to the sheer beauty of a stranger, but I couldn’t help myself. He was everything I all of a sudden knew I needed. Different than I am used to, dark, and handsome. I couldn’t stop rubber-necking, so I got up the courage to go to the table next to me. I asked the man with him if I could sit down.

      I told him “ I think you’re what I’ve been missing my whole life.” There was no response, just a stare. A stare that penetrated my soul and filled every inch of my body with a warm feeling.

      I reached across the table and grabbed him with my hand. He was still staring. All of a sudden, an urge came over me and I leaned in. My lips met him. I took a breath and let his aroma sink in, I’ve never done this before. I opened my mouth and took a huge bite of his greasy flesh, buns and all. My eyes were shut and a tear rolled down my face. How have I been missing this my whole life? How did it take me this long to find the love I haven’t really been longing for?

       Call me crazy, but falling in love with a hamburger was the most intriguing and erotic experience of my life. I found the one, and lost him all in twelve succulent bites. I will never be the same. He altered my plans, changed my dreams, and made me a better woman*. Who would’ve thought? Love changed me, and I believe it was for the better. Gosh now I’m blushing. He will be missed dearly, but I will always cherish the memory of his sweet taste*.

*I gave up on my dream of a booming vegetarian tee shirt line, it just feels dirty now.

*RIP- My one true love, Bacon Double Cheese-Burger, may he Rest in Grease.


Elementary Ed Major @ WMU. Likes art, Harry Potter, and pineapple on pizza. Loves cats.
Johanna is the campus correspondent for the WMU chapter and a senior at Western Michigan University. She is studying journalism and political science. She hopes to spend her life writing and influencing the world around her with her words. A member of the Western Michigan University Marching Band, Johanna has been in love with music for as long as she can remember and tries to balance out her busy life between writing and playing music.