In their senior year, many high school students insist on remaining single so that they may avoid heartbreak when heading off to college. Personally, I never saw the logic in that argument. I believe that when love comes (whatever time that may be) it should not be pushed aside. So, when my best friend and I fell in love during the fall of our senior year, I let myself love him.
We had been together less than a year when he decided to attend school in New Jersey while I remained at a school in California. As scared as I was, he reassured me that “love is infinite, and the country is only so big.” With his words on my heart, we headed into our first year of being 3000 miles apart. This year, I transferred to W&M (for many reasons, surprisingly none of which involved him; we’re still a plane ride away) and we began our second year apart. I have been lucky enough to have a successful long distance relationship, but it certainly is not easy, breezy, and definitely not always beautiful. Based on our time apart, I have constructed some Do’s and Don’ts to help others who have decided to put their faith in love.
Do work on your ability to be understanding.
College is a flurry of clubs, classes, and activities. There is not always extensive amounts of free time to dedicate to your significant other. Furthermore, when communicating using only technology, things are not always conveyed exactly as you or your significant other wish to convey them. You must be patient and understanding, and you must be willing to put your love above your frustration when things do not go as smoothly as they usually do.
Do make time to include them in your life.
Now although there are many things to do in college, if you wish to remain in a successful, healthy relationship, it is important that you make an effort to talk, text, Skype, or communicate in another form. Make sure to share even the small stories and details about your life; the more you know about each other’s new lives, the easier it will be to still feel connected to your significant other.
Do be honest with yourself about the relationship.
Unfortunately, it is simply unrealistic for every long distance relationship to remain successful. Many couples are able to make it work, but for others, the spark eventually does go out. It’s important to remain honest and real with yourself about what is going on. If things aren’t working out, don’t continue to struggle to make it work because neither of you will be happy. If it is time to let love go, you may have to do that. It is not easy, but you can’t force something that is not working
Do set boundaries and establish “rules.”
There are a million different types of relationships from exclusivem to “open,” and everything in between. Make sure the two of you are on the same page as you near your time apart. Further, if you are having a less-exclusive relationship, make sure to agree upon how open the relationship is. If you are being exclusive, be careful not to stretch that title, and don’t lead guys to believe that you are available by flirting.
Don’t miss out on your college experience.
It is important to dedicate time to your relationship while you are apart, but it is not worth missing out on all the adventures of college. Don’t bail on an invitation to a party or a hall get-together just because you want to Skype. Instead, plan times to talk that don’t conflict with other on-campus activities. Make sure to involve yourself in the activities around you so that you can enjoy your college experience despite not being with the one you love.
Don’t forget to flirt with your significant other.
This may seem odd or trivial, but when you are apart it is not as easy to maintain the “spark” that comes so naturally when you are together. Little things like love letters, or extra lovey-dovey text messages, can make the difference between a relationship that is thriving and one that is barely surviving. Small gestures of love may seem unnecessary, but the little things add up, especially when there are hundreds or thousands of miles between you two.
Don’t listen to the Debbie-Downers.
There will certainly be people who question your decision to maintain a long distance relationship. Even my own mom, who loves my boyfriend, would challenge me, and ask if I really wanted to struggle through this for the next 4 years. As much as you love your friends and family, however, you have to trust your gut. If you are in love and believe you can make it, don’t let others bring you down. Your relationship choices are up to you, and if you want to make it work, you can!
Don’t just quit.
Yes, being in a long distance relationship is hard. No, it is not impossible. There will be days when you are both very busy, or times when you feel like your paths are diverging. But if being together is what you truly want, do not give up so easily. When in times of struggle, think back on the millions of wonderful moments you have shared, all the things that you love about your significant other, and you will find no shortage of reasons why staying together is worth it. Problems may arise, but they are not unsurmountable, and it is worth it to do your best to make it work.
Remaining in a long distance relationship is not the best decision for everyone. But for those that simply can’t let their love go, staying together despite the distance is worth it. This is by no means an exhaustive list or a set of instructions on how to live happily ever after, but these are some of the most important things that have allowed me to remain happy and healthy despite being miles apart.
“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…” (Unknown)