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Girl And Boy Chillin
Lexi Tokarski / Her Campus
Sex + Relationships

Do You Want a Relationship or Are You Just Bored?

I should start by saying that I have hardly any personal relationship experience. However, COVID has given me many opportunities to convince myself that I am the master of all relationships. Over the past year, I have counseled friends, have listened to many podcasts (my favorite being Girls Gotta Eat), and have had many Zoom DMC’s (deep meaningful conversations) on the topic of love lives. Wanting a relationship during a time like COVID is only natural. I, as well as many others I know, have fallen into the COVID relationship trap. With my newfound mastery of the dating world, I have to ask: do we really want a relationship or are we just bored?

I am someone who always has a crush. When I think back to all of those harmless flings, I think the best parts were always the excitement and conversation starters that came along with them. COVID has made me realize that I am at a place in my life where I am not mature enough nor ready to have an actual relationship. In fact, I currently have no desire to have one. That said, there are definitely times where I feel like I am missing out on one of life’s greatest gifts.

My mother, sister, and I love to watch the cheesiest romantic comedies together. Quite frankly, Hallmark Christmas movies are some of my favorite things in the entire world. Watching these ridiculous idealizations of love make me feel like surely a boyfriend would provide clarity or give my life that one missing thing. Over the course of the last year, I have had to do some introspection and figure out how to feel more comfortable with my illusive loneliness. This time has just made me all the more aware that I have so much left to learn when it comes to loving myself. I can safely say that I’ve reached a point where I’m not actively looking for some prospective romantic relationship, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

So many studies have shown that people have been entering into serious relationships over the past year because of COVID isolation and loneliness. As a result, many people have also ended marriages or serious relationships because of the closeness that quarantine requires. From my view, it seems that people are simply just bored and need live-in friends to help them get through this tough time. I think we all need to really ask ourselves: do we really want a relationship with a specific someone? Does the prospect of that someone simply seem better than being alone? Are we romanticizing love based on unrealistic expectations? And are we just in love with the idea of love? 

I’ve come to understand that maybe I don’t actually want a boyfriend. I am taking this COVID era to work on myself and learn to be more okay with being single. Relationships require struggle and a lot of effort. Quite honestly, I’m not ready to have to go through that with someone right now. Obviously, I do not want to be alone forever. I think a relationship would be really validating and amazing. Hopefully I can use what I have learned about myself over the past few months to learn to be more compatible in the future with someone else. 


Lilly Doninger is a member of the class of 2024 at William & Mary from Louisville, Kentucky. She hopes to major in International Relations. In her free time, she enjoys playing tennis, watching movies, and journaling. Lilly also writes weekly for her personal blog, Ridiculous but Respectable.
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