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What Your Favorite Beer Says About You, A Roast

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Wisconsin chapter.

While I may not be a professional beer critic, I am great at roasting people. Enjoy hearing the ugly truth about yourself based on your go-to beverage!  

Miller High Life

You like Miller because you like going to Brewer baseball games. At the games, you only take tailgate pictures of you with your favorite beer in the parking lot but get too trashed to actually make it inside the stadium.


People tell you that “cider isn’t a beer,” but you tell yourself that they’re just jealous that you’re drinking a beer with flavor. You aim to be “one of the dudes,” but can’t make yourself waste your daily carbs on something that tastes so awful. Whether or not cider is a beer is highly debated, but just keep telling yourself that you’d be the best frat boy alive if you were actually in a frat!

Natural Light

The phrases “who do you know here?” and “I’m in sigma alpha beta data apple pie” are regulars for you. Please stop going to frat parties and go buy yourself some decent beer.


You like drinking water. Dirty water. Enough said.


Hi dad! Just like my father, you’re probably from Northern Wisconsin, go hunting or fishing on the weekends, and are in your mid-50s! Your ideal Saturday afternoon is putting on a country radio station and driving down the side of the road in your tractor with a line of 20 cars behind you. Have fun!


Does it make you feel fancy that you can say you drink an abbreviation? The taste isn’t worth it. 


You are the world’s biggest Summer Shandy fan and you stockpile cases of the liquid in your garage because you can’t get enough of this seasonal drink… News flash! If it were actually good Leinie’s would sell it year round!


Seriously? Out of all the beers in the world your favorite is Coor’s? Hit me up so I can buy you something with flavor. 

Mike’s Hard Lemonade

I hate to break it to you, but Mike’s is a wine cooler. Thanks, but try again!

This article was written in good fun. Just some food for thought before you crack open your next cold one with the boys. Drink Wisconsinbly!  

Rachel Hietpas

Wisconsin '20

Rachel is a junior at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is double majoring in political science and economics, and hopes to attend law school after her bachelors degree. Her passions include reading, drinking coffee, and dog-watching!
I am a senior at the greatest university— the University of Wisconsin. I am in the School of Journalism and Mass Communication, double tracking in reporting and strategic communications and earning a certificate in and Digital Studies. I am a lover of dance, hiking, writing for Her Campus, the Badgers and strawberry acais. I am also a president of Her Campus Wisconsin.