What the Season of Fall Represents To Me

Right before high school, I wrote a poem: 

 

October of 2012

10 AM on a Friday

The sky was a dull gray

No sun and the clouds were thick

That day was so cozy

That day, the world seemed to stop spinning 

 

Taylor Swift is singing her

Country love songs

I'm laying on my unmade, messy bed

My room, with clothes all over,

Has a dim light that bounces off my walls

And that light makes me sleepy and dreamy

 

As I'm laying there I start to think:

Everything is perfect

I feel so comfortable

And I am so content

The music that I'm hearing

Finally starts to make sense

Every confused thing in my mind

And in my life

Is seeming to come together

And I realize

That I am happy 

 

That same day, 12:30 PM

I'm in the car with my Nana and my Papa

The sky is still gray

But not that gray 

 

Papa is behind the wheel

Nana sits shotgun

I sit behind Nana

We are in a blue flex

Driving down Mayfair road

I start talking 

 

I'm talking to them about those

Taylor Swift songs that I listened to

About how I danced around my room

And sang my heart out

I'm talking about school

And how I love my English teacher

And how I have English homework

I'm talking about food

What are we going to eat for lunch?

Where should we eat?

I'm talking to my grandparents

My Nana and my Papa 

 

I keep on talking

And don't seem to stop

Because I just feel so happy

So free

So calm 

 

This poem makes me cringe because it’s so cheesy, but it encompasses what my favorite season of fall is all about. As the calendar marks October, a new excitement begins; piles of orange, red and green leaves line the roads, pumpkins are carved, cider is poured and for us older kids, the Halloween memes emerge. For me though, fall is different. While I love all of those things mentioned, it’s a season where for a month and a half-ish, I slow my life down (or as much as I can) and appreciate what I had, have and will have. The season is more than just the physical things and spookiness that goes on, but it is more abstract; fall is about a sense of innocence that occurred when I was younger, family and new beginnings.  

In the poem, I mention Taylor Swift and her country love songs. Her album Red that I alluded to was released when I was in 6th grade. At that time in my life, there was still a sense of innocence that I had before 7th grade came and knocked me in the head. It brought feelings that everything was in its place; whatever worries I had were no more. During that time, my world consisted of my home, school and family. Basically, anxiety wasn’t a thing. Now, eight years later, I can listen to Red and it brings me back to the time of fall where my child-like self was flourishing and I can enjoy my life without having to worry about that psych exam coming up. 

Family. When the season of fall comes around, I think about family more times than not. I wrote about grandparents in the poem, but there is also another form of family that I greatly associate with fall. Up until I was 12, I went to my babysitter (now family) Molly’s house every day after school. We’d always go on walks looking at the decorated houses and I would proceed to mess up leaf piles — because why not. Again, the sense of child-like feelings and innocence is prominent. It would be Molly, my older sister Tess, and I, critiquing houses, my sister virtually not looking at any of them because she hates Halloween decorations (it’s okay Tess... the vampire will NOT bite you, I swear). With Molly came the ability to explore, something that I have the urge to do, now more so than ever. On the weekends, I’d spend Sundays with papa and my dad watching football while Tess, Nana and my mom went shopping. That was my life consistently in the fall season: Molly during the week and grandparents on the weekend. It’s no wonder why now I’m super pumped for football on Sundays because there’s a sort of energy that I picked up from my papa while watching games. 

The past 13 years of my life, I’ve always considered the real beginning of the year as the first day of school in September. I view September as trying to get your ducks in a row. As soon as October rolls in, something just clicks. It’s the time where I seem to have a good routine; I know what to expect and I begin to feel comfortable (I suppose all of these feelings are pre-college because I have no idea what the heck is going on now). Whatever it was, or is, fall signifies a new start and opportunities; whatever happened last year can stay there because the new atmosphere of fall reminds me that there are new possibilities to come.   

All in all, fall is my favorite season because of what it represents. While we are entering the beginning of the Christmas season, fall is still in full-force. As I’m listening to Red, I can go back and, just like that, think about a time where my life was as perfect as it could be, and for a split second — like in the poem — I feel calm.