This past week, as you may have seen plastered on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook through the various couple pictures ( #nofilter) and cheesy love quotes, contained a VERY important holiday; National Boyfriend Day. As I was snuggled up in my bed with some sour patch kids and my Human Sexuality textbook, I pondered the question… Why the hell am I single?! Through asking my friends and a little self-discovery session, this is what I’ve come up with.
1. I’m horribly picky. It’s almost as if I seek out to find the negative aspects of every guy rather than focusing on the positives. When a friend introduces me to a guy who’s totally swoon-worthy, I’ll immediately realize that he’s about an inch too short for my liking. After exchanging a few text messages with that cutie I met at a party last weekend, his lack of differentiating between your and you’re will REALLY get on my nerves.
2. I overanalyze every situation. What does he mean I’m a really cool girl?! Oh THAT’S why he calls me every night around 11 PM… Did he come in to ask me if I was feeling better to be nice and neighborly or to exemplify his good guy, gentlemanly personality? Because of this, I get lost in a world of mixed signals and generally just pass them off as “Oh c’mon he just wants to be friends”.
3. I am often “friend-zoned” as one of the bros. I probably bring this one upon myself. I mean there isn’t much sex appeal in a girl who wakes up at the last minute, throws on some yogas, and runs off to class doing little more to her appearance than brushing her teeth and throwing her hair in a ponytail. I’m the girl that gets invited over to watch the big game and eat some pizza with the whole crew… never just one on one.
4. I’m a commitment-phobe. I will run at any mention of the future as well as that dreaded L-word. What is a life without options?! I’m often overtaken by the whole college girl attitude in which I feel like I NEED to be single to experience all that happens in this new place. True? Definitely not. But hey… I am having fun.
5. I’m a control freak. I love the feeling of calling the shots, and the idea of someone influencing my actions completely scares the crap out of me. I don’t want a man to tell me when to call him, where to be, what I can and cannot do… One of my worst qualities is that I’m stubborn, and I’m almost positive that a guy who’s willing to compromise or give me a little power is nonexistent.
6. I always want what I can’t have. Once I get something that I want… I don’t want it anymore. What is my attraction to things that are almost completely unattainable!? I love a challenge, but as soon as I succeed it suddenly doesn’t seem that cool anymore.
7. From every example set by my friends’ BFs… Guys just aren’t worth the hurt. The fights, the drama, the he said/she said, and the tears simply are not worth having a man to snuggle up with and watch cheesy movies with on cold Friday nights. All of the cheating, blame games, the “why didn’t you text me back”, and the expectations… Seriously? You can keep that. ALL of it.
8. The walking, talking STD machines I’ve met so far don’t really trip my trigger. What is up with all of these freshmen boys wanting one thing, and one thing only?! I’ve witnessed more high fives and slaps on the back over random hook-ups in my dorm than I’d ever care to know actually exist. Where have all the good men gone?! Where are all the gods?! Looks like I might be holdin’ out for a hero.