What do you do when the person you trust most in the world goes behind your back? How do you respond if your friends make constant jabs at you, jeopardizing your self-worth? Although it can be hard to come to terms with, the answer is simple: you deserve better. Throughout the eighteen years of my life, I have had my fair share of friendships, both really good and really bad. I have learned to recognize the difference between someone who genuinely cares about your feelings and a person who will always put themselves first. Simply put, friendships are a two-way street. Here’s how to know when it’s time to say enough.
- They Never Make an Effort
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Like I mentioned earlier, friendships cannot be one-sided. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, both people need to be putting in the same amount of effort. If you find yourself constantly texting first to initiate conversations or make plans, it’s likely that the action will not be reciprocated. Even though you may be in denial, this is a sign that you care more about making the friendship work than your friend does.
- They Always Put You Last
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Have you ever made plans with your bestie, only to have them cancel last minute? Do you often get forgotten about when their significant other is in the picture? First things first -you shouldn’t have to settle for being the second option. I spent years being okay with the fact that my so-called best friend would only choose to spend time with me when it was convenient for her. I have since come to terms with the fact that I should not settle. Real, true friends will stick to their plans. Although it can be hard to find the perfect balance of time, it’s definitely possible. The determining factor is a friend who is willing to try to make it work.
- Lack of Empathy
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Friends should have your back at all times. Whether you’re nervous for an upcoming exam, need a shoulder to cry on or questioning something as simple as what color shirt to buy, a good friend will always do their best to have the answers for you. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions has the ability to talk about themselves for the majority of the time but manages to make little time to hear about what’s going on in your life. When it comes down to healthy friendships, communication is key. You should be able to talk and come to a mutual understanding when there is a disagreement. If your friend is found pointing fingers in every direction but their own and neglecting the idea of how you feel, there is a major lack of compassion.
- No Trust
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Most people would agree that trust is the foundation of friendship, so what happens when you’re questioning if your friend is even trustworthy? In the majority of cases, if you even have to question whether you can trust a person, the answer is probably no. If your friend likes to tell you all the gossip they find out about others regularly, it’s likely that they are doing the same about you behind your back. When you make plans and your friend decides to bail, you can assume that they will repeat their actions again. My very wise mother once told me, after spending days in denial about my friend’s behavior, that “when someone shows you their true colors, believe them.” After all, mother knows best.
- You Change Who You Are
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You should never have to change anything about yourself to please anyone, period. If you find yourself straying away from your personal beliefs, values or even character in order to make another person happy, then they are not the person for you. Friends should be there to support you and boost your confidence, not make you feel bad for being yourself. So, if your friends say that you don’t talk enough, that you’re too boring or anything that may cause you to think negatively of yourself, it’s a good idea to distance yourself from them. Criticism from your friends should not be considered normal and finding the right people in your life will prove that to be true.
If you can relate your friendship to one or more of these situations, it may be time to reevaluate the people you are spending time with. Coming to terms with the fact that your friends do not have the best intentions is one of the most difficult concepts to understand. Yet, once you have the mentality to cut toxic people out of your life, I can guarantee you will feel better than you ever have. The most extraordinary people can come into your world when you least expect it. No matter how long it may take to find your people, never let yourself settle along the way.