We do more than dishes
Doing the dishes, sweeping the floors, and driving younger siblings to practice. Sounds like a babysitter or maid if you ask anyone to provide a job description. However, I’m describing just a few tasks that the majority of eldest daughters have to do. While they seem small, they can take up a lot more time than one might think. The fact is, though, those are minuscule tasks in comparison to the real job of the eldest daughter. Carrying the emotional weight of the family on one’s back is the real chore, and you’re always on call.
The term mini-mother has been used to describe this role, and that’s because it’s true. As the oldest son or daughter, you’re taught to care for your younger siblings. However, as the eldest daughter, you adopt that sense of care in the same manner that a mother would, carrying that responsibility with you for the rest of your life. The first to apologize, the first to comfort, the first to receive a call, and the first to clean, of course.
When you’re in this unique position as a child, it almost feels insignificant when you’re not receiving an encouraging comment about being a “great big sister” from your parents. As you grow older, you have more responsibilities, and the role that you have been raised into becomes a full-time job. You’re the solution to numerous problems within the family; you’re an advisor, a therapist, and most importantly, a grocery shopper.
Eventually, you become the automatic contact when things fly south, or when something has to be done in a timely manner. You mature, you grow, and you care more and more because you have been conditioned to do so. Another year passes, and you begin playing a mother role for your own mother. She has seen you grow into someone people can depend on, so she does the same.
Older daughter syndrome is often accompanied by a negative connotation, but at times it can be both a blessing and a curse. The burden of always having to be there to catch people, or feeling responsible for their physical or emotional well-being, can weigh heavily on some people. It can also create a toxic lack of boundaries and self-preservation, as there is always a mutual sense of reliance. However, it’s a blessing in the sense that being the oldest daughter can create a beautiful, well-grounded person. Those with oldest daughter syndrome are conditioned to love, care, support, and be a rock for everyone around them. Chances are you can tell who was a good older sister based on how they listen to you when you speak, the way they look at you, and how they respond to the topic at hand.
Essentially, being an older daughter shapes an individual for the better. Not only does it create a sense of responsibility from a young age, but it shapes you into a woman that people can depend on. The heart of the oldest daughter is so big and full. Rather than thinking of it as a negative characteristic, as suggested by the word ‘syndrome’, think of it as an uncontrollable personality trait. Never forget that oldest daughters are everywhere and ready to spring into action and help. If help isn’t needed, at least the dishes will be done.