I might never be done growing, but I can reflect on how far I’ve come
It’s weird to know you’re in a transformative time of your life while you’re still living in it. As I write this, I’m in the final year of my undergraduate career and starting to apply to graduate programs along with looking into job opportunities. For the first time in my life, I feel like I don’t have a direct path I have to follow. While my future feels uncertain, I’m not worried about the unknown like I feared I might be. I completely credit this feeling to the fact that I’m so much more confident and content with who I am now than I’ve ever been in my life. This isn’t to say that my life is perfect and I’m completely confident all the time. Instead, I look back at who I was a year, two years or even five years ago and realize how different I am from that younger version of myself. While I’ve been reflecting on this girl of the past, I’ve compiled a short list of the small mindset changes I’ve tried to implement that have made a huge impact on my overall happiness.
1. Have hobbies you can do on your own.
I used to be someone who loathed doing tasks by myself. All of my favorite activities involved being in the company of others, like playing team sports or going to the movies with my friends. However, I started to challenge myself to be comfortable being alone. At first, it was really challenging. I tried reading and drawing, but I always felt like I needed music or a podcast in the background to keep focused. It was incredibly uncomfortable to sit alone with myself. But the freedom of not having to plan my activities around other people’s schedules was so freeing. I started baking, reading, writing and running by myself, without any outside distractions. By forcing myself to be alone with my thoughts, I became so much more in tune with who I am and why I do and think certain things. I’ve learned how to enjoy my own company just as much as I appreciate my best friend’s presence. It’s so empowering to know you can rely on yourself for even little things like entertainment. I obviously still love being around my friends and plan time for them often, but knowing that I don’t need that company in order to be happy is reassuring.
2. It’s okay to change your mind.
Sometimes, it can be difficult to admit that you were wrong or that you no longer agree with your old beliefs. I’m headstrong and hate to admit I’m wrong, even when it’s blatantly obvious. However, I’ve realized this stubbornness was more stressful and draining than just being able to admit to changing my mind. I’m not weak for being wrong. Instead of seeing this as a failure, I’ve switched the narrative to viewing this as allowing myself to grow and not needing to be what people expect of me all the time.
3. Stop deflecting compliments.
I used to really struggle with accepting compliments from other people. Not in the sense that I didn’t believe these nice things people said weren’t true, but it felt uncomfortable to be the center of attention in that way. When my friends compliment me, I often catch myself brushing it off, or making excuses that’ll make what they’re praising about me seem less impressive than they’re implying. It goes beyond just wanting to be humble, so instead, I’ve been trying to figure out why I shied away from accepting people’s praise. Being able to see myself as someone people could admire has really helped me feel more confident in the decisions I make and who I am. If I can give out compliments to the people I love so freely, I should be able to accept the love and affection that comes my way just the same.
4. It’s okay to fail sometimes.
This is something I still struggle with all the time. I’ve known for almost my whole life that I am my own worst critic. But being self-aware enough to realize this hasn’t made it any easier to change how I feel about failure. I’ve written before about how, in my mind, I’m convinced I can do everything I’ve ever wanted to do, even if the hours in the day don’t allow it. Admitting I can’t do everything and realizing I’m not going to be perfect at everything I do has allowed me more freedom to try new things. Failure is an inevitable part of life, and if you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying to accomplish anything. One of my favorite movies is Little Miss Sunshine, and although it’s a lighthearted movie about a little girl wanting to be in a beauty pageant, it also speaks a lot about the fear of failure. One of my favorite quotes from the film is, “A real loser is someone that’s so afraid of not winning, they don’t even try.” Trying and failing is so much more powerful than never giving yourself the opportunity to see what you’re capable of.
It’s one of the simple joys in life to know that we are allowed to constantly change and grow. The biggest difference I’ve noticed between who I was during my freshman year of college and now is that I give myself the same amount of grace as I do to my loved ones. If I can see the best in everyone else, why can’t I do the same for myself? I have no set path anymore and while it might sound scary, it’s also exciting. The only thing I know for sure is that I’m going to keep changing and being wrong until one day down the road, all these little unknowns I’m facing right now make sense.