How the students I work with have eased my own stress
Ever since I started college, I constantly worry about where I am in relation to those around me. Am I taking hard enough classes? Did I pick a good major? Am I in enough clubs? Am I behind on internships? In high school, it’s easy to compare yourself to your peers and to know where you stand in comparison, as everyone has a more uniform experience. However, coming to college, especially to one as big as UW-Madison, it is nearly impossible to know if you’re doing too much or not enough to be successful.
This is something I’ve heard echoed amongst countless other students as well, along with the ever-present sense of imposter syndrome – where you feel like you’re not really “smart” or “good” enough to be where you are. My understanding of this issue, in both myself and others, has been heightened by the job I began this year as a peer advisor in the residence halls on campus. I get students that drop in for just about anything, but particularly for classes, majors, careers, student organizations, etc. I’ve only been advising for just over two months now, but I’ve already learned so much about this widespread anxiety over success in college, and in the process, I have been able to reflect on my own concerns.
For one, it’s given me a new perspective on how truly diverse the student body is here. It’s easy to focus on patterns of student demographics and those around you, but in reality, there are so many students from different backgrounds, skill sets and interests that the idea of comparison seems arbitrary. And I’ve seen firsthand that everyone’s college experience is completely different based on their needs and goals. One student may need to drop a class and become part-time, while the next says 18 credits feels very manageable. One may be wondering about which Math 400 class to take while the next is getting through Math 96. One may ask about double majoring in data and computer science while another asks about auditioning for the music program. My point is, it’s absolutely pointless to compare your own experience to anyone else, as nobody is going through the same situation that you are. This has helped put it into perspective for myself, as I often get stressed about my own success. But this job has taught me there’s no single definition of that, and you have to do the best you can to personalize your experience.
Beyond this, I’ve realized that countless other students have these same concerns. I am constantly asked how many credits they “should” be taking, what major is “better,” if a bachelor’s of arts is worse than a bachelor’s of science, if they’re behind in a course or major, etc. Nearly everyone has these concerns, and most of the time I find that my answer is that there actually is no blueprint. These questions are almost always followed by me asking something like: “How does 15 credits feel for you?” and “What major excites you more?” And almost no one is actually “behind” like they think; despite everyone having these concerns, they’re almost always unfounded.
So while it’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, in reality, it doesn’t say anything about you. A STEM major isn’t better if it’s not what you’re interested in, you’re not behind if you don’t come in with many credits, a BS degree is no better than a BA if you hate science, and you’re definitely not the only one struggling in a difficult class. There are countless more lessons like this, but they all follow the same train of thought: you’re exactly where you need to be, and nothing anyone else does has an effect on that.