I Was in a Long Distance Relationship for 4 Years, This is What I Learned

The number one response I received from people when my boyfriend and I decided to stay together after high school was a laugh and a “good luck!”. At first people’s pessimistic attitudes about our relationship bothered me, but the longer I navigated the rocky waters of long distance, I realized that they had a point. Long term, long distance relationships aren’t for the weak of heart. This is what I learned from my experience. 

When my boyfriend and I started dating, I was finishing up my sophomore year of high school, and he was getting ready to leave the state for college. We knew it was a risk beginning a long distance relationship, but we were determined to make it work. We had been friends for a while, and the feelings between us were too strong to not give it a try. There was never a moment between us where we questioned if long distance would work, and we knew that while it would be hard, it would be worth it in the end. I think both of our parents were skeptical, and especially our friends. They thought that we would not be able to last in a long distance relationship since we had devoted every waking minute to spending time together before the big move. Whenever I mentioned the possibility of attending the same school as him one day, people would laugh at the idea that we’d still be together then. 

While people’s lack of doubt in us initially hurt me, I was determined to prove them wrong. I loved my boyfriend more than anything else and I knew he was the one. Not only was he the love of my life, but he was my best friend, and I knew that if anyone could  make it work, it would be us. Obviously it would take effort, but we were both more than willing to handle the scheduled Facetime calls, the sporadic text messages during a busy day and going weeks without seeing each other. Long distance relationships are hard enough without the added pressure of starting college, so we knew it would be difficult, but if our relationship could make it through his freshman year, it could survive practically anything. 

The first year was definitely the hardest, and we’d often go weeks without seeing each other. Every visit home would end up with me breaking down and crying as I watched him drive away and back to school. While it was hard and I missed him a lot, I constantly reminded myself that it could be much worse. There were plenty of couples who lived thousands of miles apart and got to see each other only a handful of times a year. I was fortunate enough to see my boyfriend at least once every month or two, and for that, I was very grateful. 

While the distance was hard, eventually the novelty of long distance wore off, and the usual routine of him going back to school after a break and the phone call dates just became the norm for us. The long distance aspect of our relationship seemed to fall to the back of our minds. We each developed our own routine in our lives and after a while, it became a system we were used to. Sure, the distance was hard at times, but there was nothing that compared to that first kiss after going months without his physical presence. It was like a prize to look forward to, and it was often what got me through the rougher weeks. 

I learned quickly that one thing people often take for granted in long distance relationships is the ability to build your own life separate from that of your partners. After a while, my boyfriend had begun to establish his life at school and I developed my own. We had our own schedules, routines and friends that existed outside of our relationship, and it provided us with plenty to talk about when we finally reunited. That is probably the best thing about long distance, you never run out of things to talk about. While I love my boyfriend, I’m also a very independent person who needs time alone to recharge and recenter myself. I valued our time apart because it let me have the space I needed to grow into my own person independent from my boyfriend. I loved spending time with my boyfriend, but it was also great that I had the space I needed to focus on myself and my life, and the added bonus was that whenever we were together, we had plenty of stories and news to share with the other. It also allowed us to grow and cultivate our own relationships separate from that of our relationship, and today we both have our own friend groups that we spend time with both sometimes the other person joining and other times it is without the other person. This is something that to this day I cherish, as it has allowed us to grow as individuals and as a couple. 

When my senior year of high school rolled around, we were so used to spending the school year apart that it wasn’t even too terribly hard of a decision for me to go to a school away from my boyfriend. Because of the independence we both gained in our relationship through long distance, I was able to make the choice that was best for my future with the assurance that our relationship would survive it. From the start of our relationship we knew that if the long distance was going to work, our relationship would have to be based on a strong foundation of trust. Luckily for us, our trust in one another was something that never waivered, and as a result, made the long distance that much more manageable. The trust that we developed through long distance has carried over into our lives together now, and has only helped us grow stronger as a couple. 

Today, I’m a junior in college and I got to watch misty eyed as my boyfriend walked across his university’s stage to accept his diploma in December. He’s now a special education teacher in our home town, and I regularly get to see him 3-4 times a week, and we have plans to move into our first apartment together this summer. To this day I find it hard to believe that our high school romance survived four years of long distance. Not just anyone in our position could make a relationship last, and it’s definitely not for the weak willed. Being in a long term relationship is difficult enough to navigate through college, but with the added pressure of long distance we had to rely on trust and communication to get us through. While these are pillars of any stable relationship, they are even more important for long distance. 

If there is one thing that I learned from a long distance, it is that the time you spend apart is just as important as the time you spend together. Make sure you both use the time apart to focus on becoming the person you are meant to be, and when you are finally able to bring those two people together to begin a life as one, the results are extraordinary. 

• dating
• high school sweetheart
• long distance
• love
• relationship