My experience with revisiting my childhood passions
This past summer, I worked 40 hours a week at a daycare. Everyday, I would come home and tell my mom stories about my day with my toddler class. I’d recount the conversations I had with them about their favorite stuffed animals from home. I’d tell her the exact number of times that I was asked to sing “Down by the Bay.” I’d tell her about who had a good day, and who was a puddle on the floor because we weren’t eating goldfish as our morning snack. Almost every time I finished telling my multitude of stories to my mom, she would say, “Wow, I always forget that even from such a young age, kids have full-fledged personalities.” My mom is right. From the very beginning, we have interests, favorite colors, aspirations and most of all, we are wholeheartedly ourselves. We know what brings us joy and we are passionate about it. This really stuck with me and led me to take on a new challenge: healing my inner child. Yes, we will absolutely develop new interests and passions as we grow up. However, there is beauty in the interests that we had as children. Many times, we move on from the things that we loved as children because we feel that they are no longer “acceptable” as young adults. Subsequently, we leave them behind to take on a new hobby. So with that being said, here is what I am doing to heal my inner child in my 20s.
Going into sophomore year, I was feeling lost. I had this odd sense of self where I felt like I knew who I was, yet I was having trouble allowing certain parts of me to rise to the surface. I was flipping through Instagram stories one day when I read something that changed my outlook on everything. Eli Rallo, my favorite influencer, was doing a question and answer session on her Instagram stories. One follower asked her, “How do I find a new hobby?” Rallo, being the genius that she is, advised her follower to look back at what brought her joy as a child. This was it. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Just like my beloved class of toddlers at the daycare, I too, had passions and interests that brought me immense joy as a kid. It was time that I worked on revisiting those areas of myself.
From the ages of five to fifteen, I did ballet. My love for ballet was complex and complicated. I still remember my first year dancing in my studio’s ballet show. My studio was putting on Snow White. I was a fawn and was absolutely ecstatic. Sadly, like any love, my love for ballet experienced many hardships and struggles in between the joys. My love was soon plagued with the common internal turmoils that dancers face. Feelings of not being good enough, constant critique and dismissal of how one’s body looks and the overall exhaustion that can come from staring at yourself in a mirror each week and comparing yourself to other young girls. In eighth grade, I decided that it was time for my relationship with ballet to come to an end. I missed it occasionally, especially when videos of dancers came up on my TikTok or Instagram feeds. It wasn’t until this past September that I thought to myself, “Hey, maybe I could take another stab at it.” I had been feeling that a part of myself was missing – more specifically, the creative side of myself. I looked into dance classes and realized that I could take a one credit ballet class here at UW-Madison. I enrolled in Dance 105, and it has been the most healing experience. I feel as though the young girl who was ecstatic to dance as a fawn in Snow White is being seen again. After some time apart from ballet, I now have a completely different relationship with it. I no longer find myself feeling that I am not good enough or dismissing the way my body appears in the mirror. Today, ballet is a hobby that I loved in my youth that now brings me joy in my college life.
When I was in first grade, I loved to make and write books. I’d grab pieces of pink and purple construction paper and fold them down the middle to form a book. I’d write stories about anything that came to mind and draw illustrations – usually involving whatever my favorite animal was at the time. Aside from making books, I just loved any sort of craft in general. Over winter break, I decided that I wanted to focus on crocheting. I had learned to crochet over the summer and made a few granny squares, but I wanted a bigger project. I went to Michael’s craft store and bought enough yarn to make a hat. I crocheted myself a big chunky hat in two days. My hat is by no means perfect, but I had so much fun making it. I’ve found so much joy in crocheting because it allows the crafty side of myself that was ever present in me as a child to flourish while creating things that I find useful in my college life.
Like any young girl, I loved wearing bright colors. Hot pink, neon green and bright purple were some of my favorite colors to wear. My seven-year-old self was certain that wearing a hot pink skirt meant that I was a rockstar who could take over the whole world. As I grew older, I found myself starting to reject these vibrant colors. Wearing hot pink started to feel childish and “too girly” (if there ever was such a thing). The trend was suddenly shades of black, white, brown and gray. Neutrals. Now don’t get me wrong, I adore wearing neutrals. However, I don’t adore the fact that I created this idea in my head that I couldn’t wear bright colors anymore as a young adult. Over winter break, I started to have this revelation that wearing pink and purple could be just as acceptable as wearing brown. My twenty-year-old self was attempting to squash my love of color and I needed to reevaluate. Slowly but surely, I started to bring in color again. I found reddish-pink wide leg sweats, a yellow cardigan from Zara and purple cargo pants. Now I’m not sure that I ever will return to my extreme neon green days, but I did bring back pops of color into my wardrobe. When I style and wear my purple cargo pants, I feel like I am honoring the part of my younger self who loved and appreciated color and felt like a rockstar.
By revisiting my relationship with ballet, taking up crocheting and incorporating colors back into my wardrobe, I’ve started to feel a little bit more like myself. I truly do feel that taking little trips down memory lane and remembering what exactly sparked our joy as a child is so important for growth in our adult lives. As I said, even at young ages we know what makes our souls light on fire and we are passionate about those things. It was time that I incorporated the things that made my soul light on fire back into my life. Although I am sure there are plenty more interests I could explore and there is still some work to be done, I am very proud of myself for what I have accomplished thus far and implore you to dive back into your childhood interests as well.