why it’s time to enjoy instead of stress about the unknowns that await
Commitment issues – it’s a phrase that is often thrown around in our society as a “red flag” of someone’s personality. The inability to make up your mind about a person, place or job is symbolic of “not having your life together” – flirting from one thing to another instead of being precise about what, exactly, you want.
Currently, I’m in a phase of my life where my perceived “commitment issues” are on blaring display. The question, “So, what are your plans for post-grad?” has been increasingly posed to me by peers, friends and family, and when I give my honest answer – that I have no idea — I’m met with sympathetic smiles or urgent pressings to “pick something”.
Often, I respond with one of the several paths that I’m considering – non-profit jobs abroad, earning my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificate or working at a bridal salon (a lifelong dream that I’m only now realizing that I should not have so quickly dismissed as a silly little interest). On my bucket list is to live Lisbon, Portugal – doing what, I have no idea, but the feeling and vibrancy of this city is something I know I want to be engrossed in for more than just a weekend trip.
Some of my answers are met with more questions than others. When I told a family member that I would love to help brides find their dream wedding dress, she asked, “So, what, you’re just going to answer phones?”. When I express my desire to live in Lisbon, I’m bombarded with the practicality of it. The underlying message of these conversations is that there should be some urgency to fill up the next phase of my life with concrete plans – and evidently, that these plans should cement something about my status. I earned a degree, so now it’s my time to use it like it was intended – right? Increasingly, though, I find myself feeling cornered in by all the assumptions about what I “should” be doing and more specifically, the type of life I “should” be looking to obtain.
College was the conventional thing. There is no doubting the importance of a degree to qualify for most career opportunities, and I will forever be grateful for UW-Madison for the lifelong friends that it has brought me. For these reasons, attending a four year college after high school was the right next step for me…but it was also the expected one. As someone who values new experiences and spontaneity, I’ve never felt completely myself in a structured, academic environment. I’ve spent the previous two summers using my time to study and volunteer abroad. These months were my “outlets”, when my best self – traveling, exploring, throwing myself into new places and environments and people – could thrive. I’ve always struggled during the fall semester when the next adventure feels so far off. Now, though, in the throngs of normality, the pressing of family and friends to “pick something” has made me realize how easy and even more so, how expected it is for me to resign these adventures to something of the past.
Personally, though, I want whatever the future holds for me – career or otherwise – to be centered on adventure, a steady stream of new adventures and experiences. Removed from the constraints of academia, the upcoming year feels like the first time in my life where the next step can be wholeheartedly reflective of this vision.
This vision, though, beyond honoring my value for adventure and travel, is vague – something that doesn’t provide a concrete answer to questions about my post-grad plans. As I reflected on in my article, “Dreaming About Jobs?”, there are so many paths that I have an interest in exploring. I could see myself in a big city or thriving somewhere off the grid. I could see myself somewhere in the United States or anywhere abroad. There are so few limits to the type of life I can create, and if I’m committed to anything, it is experimenting with as much as I can in the years ahead of me. This is the long-term adventure that I’m looking forward to – even if it doesn’t fit into someone else’s timeline of a typical post-graduate plan.
So, next time you find yourself pressured to “pick something” – I urge you to slow down and enjoy this period of your life where everything is a possibility. The canvas is blank for you to make absolutely anything you want out of the years ahead, and with a mindset that appreciates this opportunity for the rare and unique thing that it is, you can savor instead of stress about the possibilities that surround you.