If “staying in is the new going out” is your motto, this is for you
Now let me give a disclaimer: I am not a prude or a stickler for the rules. Going out, drinking, smoking, hooking up… These are all a big part of the college experience, and I would never try to take that experience away from anyone.
Disclaimer number two: This is not one of those articles congratulating you on being a “responsible student who is standing up to the inevitable peer pressures of college” (read all of that in your most uptight and snobby tone). This is also not one of those pity reads that tries to convince you that “you’re not a total loser, you’re just different and following your own journey” (read in the most simpering and condescending voice you can muster). These are both way overdone, I know. This is just an account of my approximately 1.5 semesters at a huge party school as a non-partier. Hopefully, you can relate, and if not, maybe you’ll gain some insight anyway.
I was not a partier in high school. A Friday night for me and my friends looked like driving around our small hometown, having movie marathons, gossiping about (what now seems to be) ridiculous high school drama and ordering from our favorite sushi place. I always had it in the back of my mind that once I got to college, my entire personality would automatically change, and I’d become a crazy party gal.
Shocker! That didn’t happen.
One of the first nights in my dorm room, there was a party down the hall, and one of my roommates brought me there. “This is it!” I thought. “My first college party!” Every step toward the room felt like one step closer to the party girl I always knew I was inside. I followed her into the cramped pitch blackness. Someone offered me a drink, and to my surprise, I turned it down. After about a half hour, I booked it back to my dorm room. Standing in the communal bathroom brushing my teeth, I thought, “Why was that horrible?”.
A few days later, on our way to our first Badger football game, my friends and I met up with a group of guys and followed them to a house party. This time I knew I was not going to drink, yet the experience was no better. I felt awkward, uncomfortable, and if I’m being completely honest, bored. As soon as we left that house I breathed a sigh of relief. But I still couldn’t shake the pit in my stomach that so closely mirrored how I felt after the dorm party.
Classes started, student orgs picked up and before I knew it, Halloween was right around the corner. Costume choices and party planning were the hot topics everywhere I turned. My roommates were going out and of course, asked me to come with them. But oh no! What was that familiar feeling creeping back up? Ah yes, the pit in my stomach that I knew all too well (yes this is a Taylor reference that will make more sense momentarily).
I pretended to be excited to go out. But unfortunately, as my roommates will tell you, I am a terrible liar. Everyone saw right through my party enthusiast gambit and encouraged me to stay home if I really wanted. I thought, “No, I don’t want to sit at home, but I don’t want to go out either”. The problem seemed unsolvable.
Then, in a perfect twist of fate, one of my friends texted me a link to a Taylor Swift party at the Sylvee, and I was hooked. No one blacked out and no one got high, but it was such a fun night. Something clicked, and I realized: “If I spend the next four years forcing myself to go out, I’ll be miserable. And if I beat myself up for not going out, I’ll be miserable too. The only solution is to not go out… and be fine with it.” So from that point on, I decided to just be fine with it.
College parties can be fun. But if you aren’t into drinking, they seem straight up boring as hell. It’s hard sometimes to look around and see everyone else enjoying something that you absolutely hate. If you feel like that is you, I’m here to remind you that you’re not some social pariah. You’re just a normal adult who doesn’t like going out.
If going out is something you look forward to all week, amazing. Live your life, girlfriend. And if not, awesome. In fact, hit me up; I think we would get along well. It’s cliché but it’s true: You will never regret being comfortable in your own skin.