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Courtney Maurer, House Fellow

What made you decide to become a House Fellow?
It’s the only job where I could get paid to distract others from homework (my boss calls it “building relationships”), be the know-it-all (a “resource”), sleep on the job, instill fear of consequences (or my wrath, whatever), and decorate doors and bulletin boards with Hanson (“community building”)
 
What’s the best part about your job?
The power one feels when you have the authority to turn the lights off at 10:30pm, unlock secret doors that, I promise, go to Narnia, and see the look in a kid’s eyes when they see the puke they get to clean up in the bathroom from the night before.
 
The worst?
For some reason, I’m still not allowed to use the lounge for my secret spy ninja meetings or flame-throwing practices. Someday…someday…
 
I know that you lived in Chadbourne your freshman year and now you’re in Jorns – so give us the dirt: Southeast or Lakeshore?
Tough call. Southeast is overshadowed by Witte and Sellery’s ego, but I do love the close vicinity to Bascom and convenience for College Library-ing ‘til 5 a.m. Lakeshore kids are freaks. In a “I hate this place, let’s make up for it by pretending we’re original, hippies, faux-alcoholics, mediocre athletic selves.” For this I say SOUTHEAST (minus Witte & Sellery). Chadbourne may not have been the most hoppin’ place at all hours, but with that high international rate for comparison, it truly validated my adequate social skills.
 
If you had to choose either an angry Tyra Banks or intoxicated Charlie Sheen (well, he’s always intoxicated…) who would you choose to scold for breaking quiet hours?
Obliterated Charlie Sheen. Granted he’d probably try to beat me, I think I’d at least be able to laugh at his pitiful, pitiful attempt to retain his youth. After asking who in their right mind willingly chose to party with him, I’d hand him his write-up singing his YouTube interview remix #WINNING.
 
Besides, Tyra is fierce as sh*t and has the power to hit your weak sides leaving you in tears and evaluating who you thought you were…I’ll pass on that.

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