I won’t lie. It’s kind of weird.
Nearly a year after our breakup, my ex messaged me for the first time. This was both surprising and unsurprising for a few different reasons. Sure, we had broken up, and yeah, it was kind of messy, but we had a lot of mutual friends (including my best friend) and we ran in the same circles. As a strong believer in giving second chances when they’re deserved, I responded. And now? My ex is a great friend to me.
Now, I know that this won’t be the same for everyone, but I hope some of you ladies can relate to some of the things I noticed, and how I felt, when I gave my ex a second chance.
He grew up
I’ve never told him this, but I feel like he grew up in the year we grew apart. Sure, he still plays video games and gets excited over computer parts, but he’s learned how to deal with his emotions, and he acts more mature. He realizes things he didn’t even think about before, and he treats everything with more respect. He listens, and he really cares about his friend’s opinions. His view of the world shifted and honestly, I’m proud of him for embracing it.
I grew up
Ladies, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that he’s the only person that did some growing up. I also had a lot of growing up to do. When we dated I had a perfect fairy tale image of how relationships should be, and honestly? It was garbage. I never took the blame for being unhappy, even when it was my own fault. I grew out of my fairy tale and realized that I can be at fault, and that a storybook relationship is unattainable. I got over my fear of speaking my mind, texting first, and I learned to let my anger and my sadness go. I learned to be more accepting and more aware. I just grew up and started acting the way I wanted to be treated.
I’m more aware
No, I don’t mean that I’m always on edge trying to be perfect in front of him, and I’m not waiting for him to mess up so I can rub it in his face either. I’m just more aware of things he says, things I say and how things should be. I’m more aware of how I deserve to be treated, and how I should treat others. I’m not afraid to poke fun at him or call him out when he’s wrong. I’m not afraid to give him advice, but I’m aware of when I’m being too much. I’m more aware of the consequences of my actions and what a good friend does, and I think he is too.
We’re happier
This doesn’t mean that we weren’t happy together, because (I hope) we were, but that we’re happier as friends. After all the growing up we did, we weren’t good matches for each other anymore. I see that now. In the year we were together we both changed, and we changed even more in the year after we broke up. Now he and I have found ourselves, our passions, and what makes us happy, and we’re happier because of that. We’re better friends to each other now too, which is always a nice bonus.
He understands what I went through
He’s no robot, but I feel like it’s safe to say that I was a lot more shaken by our breakup than he was. I was heartbroken, and I felt like nobody understood how I felt, let alone the boy that did the heartbreaking. But now, he gets it. He’s had the heartbreak and he understands what it’s like to not be ready to let go. He’s apologized for making me feel that way, and I think it’s only brought us closer. It’s the closure I never got, and it’s nice to know that he understands me now.
It’s a huge risk to re-learn how to trust someone that hurt you, but I’m glad I did. I feel respected, and heard, and we’re better friends now than we ever have been. I’m so happy that I learned to let go, because if we’re being honest, I missed having him as a friend, and I never would’ve been able to get that friend back if we hadn’t grown up a little bit. I have faith that our friendship will be #squadgoals for a long time.
Ladies, giving an ex a second chance can be scary, but sometimes it’s worth it! Keep an open mind and remember, sometimes you’ll be happier if you forgive.