The worst thought that goes through every person’s mind before a new relationship, is “how will they love me”. When I was in this relationship, I had no idea what I was in for and I didn’t ask myself this question. I didn’t know what an abusive relationship was like. — I had let my wall come down.
There was always yelling. He would hit me and force me to do things I have never done before. In return, he would spoil me with little gifts, like clothes or jewelry. The relationship continued for a year and no one ever knew what my relationship with him was like because I was scared to tell anyone. He was tough and protective over me. I thought it was a good thing and I felt at ease when there wasn’t violence.
One morning it was the worst it had ever been. The argument was over the most idiotic topic. I was going to be late for school. My ride was honking the horn, all I could hear was screaming and all I could think was to cry and apologize. Apologize for what? I was being victimized, only I had no idea. That morning was the end, or so I thought. He continued to contact me, apologizing for not treating me “the best”. He told me that he went out to buy an engagement ring the night before the fight. I didn’t want to believe this. Did he really think what he had for me was love? If I didn’t snap back into reality when I did, would I be married to this guy?
These thoughts terrify me, even now as I learn more about myself and what makes me happy. I have a hard time letting my guard down not knowing what is yet to come in each relationship I involve myself in to find my soulmate. Stop and take a look at your relationship and make sure you are safe and truly happy. Because sometimes it can seem like a good thing until you come out of that bubble we call a relationship. Love yourself before you love anyone else.