This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Winthrop chapter.
To the girl who’s probably sitting in bed thinking about how much you miss your boyfriend, and how much you want to spend time and do all of the fun things you used to do when you were together, it’s okay! It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to worry, it’s okay to smile when you think about your future together, it’s okay to scroll through your old photos and reminisce about all of the good days. Everything will be okay.
I’ve often heard people say, “you’re in college, enjoy yourself” or “you’re only (insert age), you should use this time to date and explore your options,” right after I tell them that I’ve been in a relationship for almost four years and that my boyfriend is in the military and is currently on a 10-month deployment. I also get those weird looks from other girls who tend to say, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I need to see my boyfriend everyday. How do you do it?” The truth is, it gets hard and sometimes you wish that things could be different. There are some days you cannot talk to each other, some missed birthdays and anniversaries, and even some miscommunication. But you find comfort in knowing there’s someone, somewhere in this world that loves you and wants your relationship to work just as much as you do, so you keep pushing.
I’m actually amused when people say they couldn’t be in a long distance relationship. I used to say the same thing, but the truth is, you don’t know what you can or will do until you have to. Long distance relationships will only work for couples who want them to work. When you know that something is worth having, you’ll do what is necessary to keep it. And not to sound so cliche, but ONLY the strong will survive. You have to be strong— strong in your faith in your relationship and strong in your commitment.
Being apart also makes your relationship stronger as well. I know, being around your partner and spending every minute with them is great, but having that time and space apart can give you clarity and allow you to really appreciate your significant other. It also gives you a chance to become independent of your partner and feel things out for yourself. I always say, “If I don’t know how to be happy alone, then how can I be happy with someone else.” That has helped me to gain perspective about my relationship and has guided me through our time away from each other. Yes, there will be times when you are lonely, but think about that feeling you get when you hear your love’s voice for the first time in a long time, or when you finally get that FaceTime date y’all have been putting off because things kept coming up. It’s an amazing feeling. You get to say, “I’ve waited all this time and now it’s finally here.”
I remember how I felt when I picked my boyfriend up from the airport after his five-month long basic training, or the overwhelming excitement I experienced seeing him waiting with my family at the airport when I returned from studying abroad for a semester. I’m sure the feeling will be just as gratifying when his deployment ends in March. I personally think my relationship is better and stronger because of it.
Long distance relationships can also be very romantic. Everyone knows the key to any successful relationship is putting in effort and time, probably even more so in a long distance relationship. Establish those FaceTime date nights, write letters, send care packages, never stop putting your all into your relationship. Always think, “how else can I make him feel appreciated or loved?” Bring on the creativity! For me, Pinterest is a great tool I use to get lots of great ideas to keep things fun and romantic. (You can thank me later) :)
All in all, know who you are and know what you want. At the end of the day, if you’re the girl that is in a long distance relationship, take that as an opportunity to grow, to understand and love yourself more. And that love and understanding will reciprocate into your relationship. Take the time apart as the opportunity to mold yourself into the woman you want to be. You’ll be so much more equipped to be in a happy, mature relationship.
You’ll probably hear a million reasons why long distance relationships can’t or don’t work, but you have the opportunity to show them the one reason why yours does. I’m not saying it doesn’t get stressful at times, you never really get over the fact that you’re constantly apart and it isn’t the most ideal situation, but it’s not the end of the world.
Remember, this is your story, don’t be afraid to write it how you want. Create your happy ending.
Sincerely,
A girl who’s sitting in her bed thinking about how much much she misses her boyfriend as well
HCXO