A thought from a black woman who exists
I truly believe that I try to do the right thing. I try to write the right things. Say the right things. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just did something I truly wanted to do. Not worrying about how the outside world may perceive my actions. Sure, anyone would say, “why don’t you do just that” but you see, I fear I don’t have those liberties. I have responsibilities. Unto myself, unto my parents, unto my friends, my job, and even the world. I tell myself I am meant for something great. I don’t want to say fear drives me. I don’t want to give the impression that I lead my life based on others, but a lot of what I do, and what I choose to endure is strongly correlated to said people.
As I stare at the TV, enjoying my time alone, and my time to unwind, all I can think about are the missed opportunities passing me by. Whether you’re a woman or a woman of color, I feel that the world that we were placed in teaches us that if we aren’t being productive, and saving the world, we are wasting our precious time. I’m totally leaning toward the thought that time is an illusion. If we didn’t have a calendar if we didn’t have days of the week, or hours, or minutes or seconds, what would we measure the moments of our lives by? Right now I believe I would measure my life in moments that I smile, moments where I see beauty in the world, moments where I find new things that spark inspiration in me.
I am sure time was an invention of man; men love parameters. I feel that confining things and people is such a masculine way of looking at life. If you ask me, which you didn’t, I really feel that we only acknowledge the idea of time because if we didn’t, we would all have to admit that we don’t know what the fuck is happening. I think we label things and organize our lives because we are scared of boundlessness. It is a pattern to me. Small-minded people cannot expand their minds to boundlessness because it is too much for them to process, so to make life easier they stick to the weeks, hours, and simple minutes as a way to understand their existence.
I for one, am tired of living in the span of the illusion man has created to make sense of the universe. I want to live in boundlessness. You may ask me, “But Angela, aren’t you aware that there are no rules in that realm of reality? We can’t go there because anything can happen,” and I’ll just tell you that I am tired of letting fear get in the way of what I truly desire. Are you willing to limit your life all for the sake of being safe? Are you happy only having the choices set before you? If your breath caught at any point in this, then I ask you the reader to reflect on what truly matters to you? What would you do if there were no bounds to what you could achieve?