Whether you have recognized it or not, most people have witnessed or had a toxic friendship. Sometimes it is hard to tell at the moment that the relationship between you and your friend (or friends) isn’t healthy. In my life, I have had to cut off toxic friendships a few times. I’m not saying my friends were toxic people or I was a toxic person, but we brought out the bad traits in each other and the friendship became unhealthy. I am here to help you recognize a toxic friendship and how to toss them out the door. It may be a hard process, but it is necessary.
Recognizing Toxic Traits
1. You don’t enjoy spending time with your friend(s) anymore.
It is better to start out with the obvious. If you dread going out with your friend(s), then it may be a sign that your friendship has grown toxic. Sincerely ask yourself, “Do I still enjoy the time I spend with my friends?”
2. You don’t like who you become when you hang out with your friend(s).
I get it; sometimes when we are around our friends, we do stupid stuff every once in a while. However, if you begin saying or acting out of character to who you want to be and you don’t like how you’re acting, then it is possible that your friendship is growing toxic.
3. You make excuses for them.
Here is how it went with a few of my toxic friendships: I told my parents what happened. My parents warned me about them and I didn’t take their warnings or advice; instead, I ended up apologizing to my parents when I realized they were right. If you find yourself making excuses for your friend’s behavior frequently to other people close to you, I suggest you stop and reflect.
4. You can’t trust them anymore.
If they share your secrets or feelings with other people without asking your permission or they make you feel in any way that you can’t trust them, then what is the point of continuing a friendship? I, personally, think trust and communication are key in any type of relationship, including friendships.
5. You know they talk about you in a negative way.
Friends are supposed to support one another and stick up for the other person if someone else is talking behind their back. Your friend shouldn’t be the one talking behind your back. If your friend is saying negative things about you to other people instead of confronting you about it, then you should end it because you deserve better!
Steps to Tossing Out the Toxic Friendships
1. Recognize the toxic traits.
Of course this is easier said than done because when you love someone (even platonically), we can be blind. Once you recognize the toxic traits, you are on a forward path.
2. Tell them the truth.
This may be the hardest step especially since a lot of toxic people won’t accept they are at fault in any way. However, whether it is through a text, letter or in person, it is important to tell your friend why you are cutting them out. Not only will it possibly help them recognize their faults for their other friendships, but it will give you closure.
3. Don’t engage with them again.
If your friends (at this point your ex-friends) come back into your life, block them. They will most likely create drama. Remember the toxic traits you recognized and why you decided to cut them off. Every friendship has good memories, but during this time, it is important to think about the negative traits that came out during the friendship.
4. Actively try to make new friends.
If you’re an introvert, this may be hard. However, in order to get over your ex-friends, it is important to make new ones. Make sure you keep an eye out for toxic traits, but if you are strong enough to complete all of the previous steps, you most likely won’t turn a blind eye in your next friendship.
5. Love yourself.
This should have never stopped throughout any of these stages, but I need to say this: It is so important to love yourself! It isn’t your fault how somebody else treats you. Your worth is not dependent on others’ actions.
Maybe your friend(s) isn’t toxic, but the friendship brings toxic traits out. Either way, you need to get out. I know it is easier said than done, and it is easier if you have a support system. No matter what happens, remember to love yourself, and never forget your self-worth! My dear readers, you deserve to be valued like the queen or king you are! I wish you the best on your journey in finding healthy, supportive friendships.