Roughly two weeks left of the school year has me dreaming about graduation. I mean, I AM a senior. But I get to stick around the good ol’ town of Winona for another whole year. I’ve pretty much worked through every possible emotion you could think of. Anger, frustration, sadness, excitement (if you can believe it) and I think I’ve finally settled with excitement. Now, let us look into the heart of a senior who is not going to be joining her incoming freshmen class at graduation.
“I am so pissed”
This lovely emotion was a front runner for quite some time. I was pissed at the world, at the school for letting me down, and at myself for not quite achieving what I had hoped. I FINALLY changed my major to what it should have been all this time, and quickly learned that I wouldn’t be graduating until a full year after I should have been done. I was so mad. Like the kind of angry that makes you want to throw sh** and scream. I’m pretty sure I just ended up crying.
“The frustration never ends!!!!”
Ugh, the frustration. This pretty much fits in with anger, but I wasn’t quite mad anymore, I was just irritated that I had to stick around while a lot of my friends got to join the real world. I was irritated that I had to find some way to pay for an extra year of college (pocket change, right??). I was irritated that I had to once again go through the motions of finding housing, and a sheer ping of panic when I realized a lot of my friends were going to be gone (luckily my lovely roommates get to endure living with me for another year).
“You mean, I have to say goodbye to some of my friends???!!?”
It makes me sad that a lot of my friends are going through the motions of each of their ‘lasts’. Last bar crawl, last finals, last HC meeting (tear), last few weeks here before possibly moving back home. I’m lucky to be a part of these lasts with these friends, but I think I look at them a little differently because I know I still have time before I have to go through my ‘lasts’ as a Winona State college student. Sadness hits me like a truck when I realize that these amazing friends I’ve made over the years are quite possibly preparing to say goodbye. Goodbye to Winona, goodbye to college, and goodbye to me. I know for most of the friends I’ve made, I’ll see them again. But for some, it may be our last exchange.
“YES! Another year of college!”
Excitement comes and goes, depending on the day. More often these days I am feeling excited about next year because I have so many great things to look forward to. I have some amazing friends that will be joining me into the next year and I can’t even imagine saying goodbye to all of them and knowing that I don’t have to for another year or so makes me super happy. I also know that while my friends are living in the real world, I will still have another year to prepare. Now, whether that means I’m hunkering down on school work and actually preparing for life post-graduation or going out with friends on the weekend to celebrate life’s little successes, no one really knows, but I get to enjoy the luxury of staying in college for a little while longer.